Interstellar

I do not cry during films. Well, I do now. Post kids. But there was a time when I did not!! Then I had babies, and the hormones allegedly alter your body for life and blah blah blah that stuff doesn’t matter. What matters is the fact that I can bring myself to tears now merely thinking about a Budweiser Clydesdale commercial. IT’S BAD YOU GUYS. There are only a few films that have made me cry, the first of which was Big Fish. I grew up very close to my dad, so that one is a given. The second is Steel Magnolias. We love Sally Field, there is no doubt. We really really do. The next and final film that comes to mind is Interstellar. If you have children, you will sob like a toddler having a ladybug nightmare. If you don’t have children, I’d be surprised if Matthew McConaughey’s performance didn’t well those stone cold eyes up. This film packs a lot into it, and I’m gonna go ahead and suggest the major theme has something to do with family. 

Interstellar has a near perfect story with a curious pace and possibly the best CGI crafted space imagery ever. As the biggest proponent of space movies, I love love love love loved this film. It has everything I want in a space movie – time warping, science beyond my understanding, catastrophe, other worlds, a futuristic setting, heartache, mystery, space travel, and emotionless faces delivering a deadpan string of pseudo science verbs and nouns. SWOON! Taking place in the near distant future, a hidden NASA agenda is trying to find a new world to inhabit by way of wormhole as another mankind-induced dust bowl era envelopes Earth. Time poses an obvious problem, as does humanism, and math. (I dunno about you but math has always posed a problem in my life.) The film almost has a series of vignettes, creating a mini story each step of the journey. Former pilot McConaughey stumbles upon an old professor working at NASA, and is immediately jutted off to space to save humankind while leaving behind his two young children. He and his three-person team (HAHA OK.) visit various planets on a rescue mission via wormhole. I’m not going to give away how it ends, but several stops are made on their way back home. DO THEY MAKE IT BACK HOME??? ONLY THE MOVIE CAN TELL. Because of this information and theology packed environment, the film can be a little too “clever for its own good” (– my dad.) Major time warping leads McConaughey to one of the richest moments of his acting career – viewing twenty years worth of family video messages at once. Have you ever had to hide your tears in a movie theater from your brother in law?? Cuz I have. And it’s hard. Then I saw the film a second time and tried even harder to hide my tears from my husband. (Apparently I was successful, in case you were wondering. #TALENT.) I struggle to think of a film that handles such an enormous mankind problem while simultaneously serving such heartaching and emotional personal trauma. 

As a Christopher Nolan written and directed film, Interstellar delivers. It delivers sooooooooooo good ya’all. This is one of my favorite films in the past ten years. Possibly number one. The score is BEYOND. Hans Zimmer was initially given a one-page fable to design the score around, and developed it perfectly. (ZIMMER FO LYFE.) What would a space opera be without some majestic organ chords?? I would not have sobbed during the blastoff scene if it weren’t for the poignant emotional escalation of the score. (Spotify – Hans Zimmer – ‘Stay’) The film begins with the familiar curiosity of an arpeggio with delicate, sweet, heart wrenching melodies and ends with comically intimidating clock-striking chords – almost all in minor scales – the ‘sound of desperation’, as I call it. As someone brought to tears by most opera music, revisiting the score easily wells me up. It’s just. So. Cinematic. 

The story does leave some mystery to its science, but it still manages to wrap it all up in a classic little Hollywood bow. There seemed to be a split between the understandings of the science. Some felt the wormhole relativity explanations a little too obvious, and some felt perplexed by it all. I felt it was Goldilocks-planet just right. Personally I would have preferred a more Twilight Zone ending, chopping it off inexplicably at the tesseract scene. But this is also a juggle of art and business. 

“IN A WHIIIIIIIIRRRRLLLLED” where the summer blockbuster is king, movie watchers are left with two choices – a boring $200 million safe bet, or an intriguing yet poorly shot low-budge indie. If you were to make a graph with creative originality as the X-axis and commercial success as the Y, Christopher Nolan would crown the top. He has managed to prove himself unique in his storytelling skills and highly profitable at the same time. Nolan effortlessly balances ingenuity and dat DOLLA. Since he’s proven himself as a moneymaker, Hollywood has taken more ‘risks’ with him. Nolan took the overdone story of Batman and made a billion dollars. No seriously. The Dark Knight made over a billion dollars. Some have called it the best comic book film of all time. Mk, I’d buy that for a dollar. 

Go watch Interstellar.

Stranger Things

After hearing a certain amount of hype about this show, we decided to check it out. We watched a couple of episodes over a couple of days, then let it lie for a bit. (This gave me an interesting view of “watching a show over time versus the typical binge-sesh”, but that is another blog entry for another day.) Once the creepy-feeling-nervous-nights level intrigue was met, I knew I had to continue in the series. I had too many questions. 

I believe mystery is one of the most sure fire ways to make a show compelling, and this show is built on it. Designed directly from a 1980’s sci-fi mystery novel, (something I admittedly know NOTHING about,) the show strikes every nostalgic and synthesizer chord. Like Netflix does, (IN NETFLIX I PRAY,) the show deftly combines the warm realistic style of the 80’s, science fiction to get even the most jaded viewer enthralled, writing most shows can only dream of achieving, shockingly good acting, and a transcendent, genius level of scoring. Seriously though, I cannot give enough praise to the music on this show. It is next-level good. It is stuff I crave to hear on a daily basis. (Which I actually have been since – it’s from half of the foursome S U R V I V E) It is an excellent example of what perfectly tuned-in directing can do for a show. It’s one of those shows I feel like my words cannot do it justice. To really understand what superb direction can do for a story, you just have to watch it. 

Through the first half of the season I was a bit skeptical, fearing the show was mostly hype. I began to convince myself that the direction is what makes the show (it does, to a degree.) But once I ended the series, I knew there were some truly brilliant show-runners at the helm. As we were watching it I asked myself how the show would be with less talented direction, and it simply would not hold up. The story would feel tired and cheesy. The acting wouldn’t be as emphasized with any other score. The cinematography is keen, simple, yet familiar while beautiful and recognizable. There’s something wistful about the sans sidewalk bicycle laden streets in these leafy neighborhoods plucked from evocative Anytown USA. (I feel like that was the most overly wordy pretentious thing I’ve ever written. But I like it???) 

The story is about small town Indiana preteens whose friend goes missing, then stumble upon a girl with superhuman powers. A monster is involved, (I don’t believe that’s a spoiler,) some government-level scientists are involved, (as they are,) and some bafflingly good adolescent acting is quite involved too. Winona Ryder gives some of the best acting of her life as the missing boy’s mother. I don’t want to give spoilers, but there are some moments where DAMN she is good. (I’m a mom, and, being a mom makes you overly emotional at mom parts in stuff. DON’T JUDGE. It comes with the gig, and it hurts.) The plot arch moves perfectly, the pacing is perfection. This is not a show like Lost, you will get your major questions answered. In fact, maybe a little too much. After seeing a Buzzfeed listicle begging for 368 questions to be answered once the season ended, I set myself up to be disappointed in what gets resolved. Once we finished the show however, I found it to be almost too conclusive. 99% of the story gets wrapped up in a neat little American Storytelling sized bow. The show does have its questionable moments. There are a couple characters that are too cheesy and throwaway, there are actions made by people that don’t seem realistic. But the show makes it crystal-Pepsi-clear you are watching a modern exalted offering of the sacred yet oft-recreated 80’s horror, sci-fi, and thriller genres. (Crystal Pepsi was ’92-’93, I KNOW. I couldn’t resist the pun.) There are almost too many direct nods to the classics, including Alien, E.T., an actual Stephen King novel being read, (-thanks for the note, June!) Stand By Me, The Goonies, and imagery shockingly similar to another recent sci-fi film I’ve seen, (Under the Skin,) leading me to conclude both shots are referencing a third film I’ve never seen. 

The show follows a clear book format, using chapter headings and advertising art akin to an 80’s science fiction thriller. The title card looks like it leapt off a book cover and got processed through a 1984 Apple CGI system akin to the software that created Tron. Which leads me to my next, exhaustive, digressive point…

The moment season one of Stranger Things ended, my husband and I got into a 1am ninety minute civilized yet shouty discussion of the future of the show, where we hoped it would go, and where we believed it would go. Tommy said he was happy with where the season ends, cannot wait to see season two, and trusts the storytellers. He speculates we are seeing merely a swatch of the story, knowing that the creators (The Duffer Brothers) have a much bigger and extensive story set in place to be portrayed over various meticulously crafted seasons. (Correct me if I’m wrong, Thomas.) I, on the other hand, felt so shockingly satisfied by the way the season ended, that I lamented and wished the next season would be a new “book in the series”, so to speak. Why keep on a story that feels so conclusive? Sure, this may only be a peek into the overall story, but I’m so happy with what I’ve seen! I don’t want to see more of these people in this place with this situation! I was distinctly shown this story is a book, wouldn’t the end of the season be the end of the book? Can’t we have another book in the series of Stranger Things, about some other, absurd and intriguing stranger things?? (SPOILER:) Yesterday I saw a headline saying “Stranger Things Creators Have Heard Us, and They’re Promising Justice for Barb.” This is exactly my problem with the world right now. We no longer have trust in the showrunners, but feel like petitions need to be signed and cyber feet stamped to get the stories we are entitled to. Why does Barb need justice?? Why can’t we accept her ending as it was shown, maybe even leaving some theoretical residual action up to our own imaginations? (I know the irony in these two juxtaposing thoughts. To quote a ruthless beloved TV character, “I’m a woman. I can be as contrary as I’d like.” Hrmmph.)

Since I’ve been thinking about this, I’ve seen a few op-eds that agree with me. Stranger Things ended on SUCH a satisfying note, some of us want the show as an Anthology series instead of an overwrought wrung-dry slave to the money making Netflix machine. I mean, I’m just speaking for myself here. Still tho. ICYMI – the show has surpassed Daredevil and Making A Murderer in the most popular Netflix series. 8.2 million viewers in the first 16 days of airing. I MEEEAAANNN…….c’mon. 

Here was my conclusion. Thomas has a very optimistic point of view with how the story will progress. (I don’t think it’ll be bad, season two, no.) I am pessimistic though. Why tamper with a good thing? Why not let it lie? Oh, I know. Because I want TV to be Film. And right now film wants to be TV. The quality of film right now is lacking, and TV is picking up the slack. Major film actors and actresses have jumped a sinking showbiz ship and swam to the idiot box shore. TV is king right now. Where Hollywood won’t take the risk, Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon do. And these risks are paying off. I’m not going to delve too far into it now, but we can probably all agree that film is in the shitter while TV thrives. Because of this, I’m craving for my film format fix in a TV setting. I want stories to be conclusive, whole, vignette-y, and satisfying. I want season one of Stranger Things to be its own little story, like a film. Meanwhile, quite absurdly, Hollywood is attempting to emulate television in its episodic format. How many sequels to a snoozey blockbuster do the people have to endure? Did there REALLY need to be a Now You See Me 2? Fast and Furious 39? Or seventy hundred million comic book movies?? Or every Pixar film now getting a sequel or prequel?!? (YOU’RE BETTER THAN THAT, PIXAR. GO TO YOUR ROOM.) It’s absurd, right?? Well, all I can say is, I blame Hollywood for giving me a deserved complex as to what my expectations of the mediums are. And honestly that’s all I have to say about that.

The Real Crazy Housewives of Everywhere - A Love Letter

This entry is dedicated to Mallory Bateman. She knows why. 

“In five sentences or less, why do you watch Real Housewives?” 

“Oh lord, why do I watch them. Ummm….I will get back to you a little later, after I figure out how to rationalize it. Hahaha” 

The guiltiest of guilties. This cotton candy-lite sugary sweet show gives me the same dopamine fill I could get eating a chocolate cake (yes the whole cake.) Why waste moments on the lips and years on the hips when I can indulge in savory, intense, drama filled action and hurt feelings to no detriment of my own psyche or physique?? I actually had to have a serious conversation with my husband about laying off the guilt tripping with my obsession over this show, cuz my bitches ain’t goin nowhere. These women may be married to their husbands for money, but I am married to them for life. 

"She's not like us. She's young. She's still hopeful and kind."

"Well, ok, we're gonna ruin that."

-Housewives of New York

This show has resulted in limitless hours of TV bingeing, a comical amount of internet rage, unquantifiable judgment, 2 faux pop stars, 634,937 gallons of wine consumption, 132 glass-shattering screaming matches, 146 gallons of tears, numerous spinoffs, one Lady Gaga video, several bankruptcies, literally innumerable divorces, one super model, two prison sentences, one suicide (yes), and infinite eye rolls from baffled husbands across the world. 

As Andy Cohen laughs his way to the bank. 

How has this franchise become so successful?? Why? How has a TV show about bored, “empowered”, overly made-up vain women with money and bones to pick become so enormous? Oh wait, I think I just answered my own question. Personally I watch for the Alaia dresses, Chloe bags, and sky-high heels. These ladies have closets bigger than my first apartment. They could pay off my student loans merely with their shoe collections. I constantly find myself asking where the women go to make sure their makeup regime is up to date and flattering – picture perfect modern rich-lady lewks. Like seriously though, where do you go??? It’s not like I’ll find Erika Girardi at the Bobbi Brown counter at Nordstrom. Or even Saks! Do you sift through elite makeup artists till you find the right look? (If anyone knows what LVP’s fuchsia nail polish is, DM ME.) SPILL IT LADIES. The other day I was lost in one of their repetitive, neurotic arguments just hypnotized by how damn PERFECT Kim Richards’ hair looked. (“You Richards sisters have good hair genes.” – she ain’t wrong.) 

As a self-hating female (with decidedly NOT good hair genes), I truly truly truly hate drama when it happens in my own life. I feel too delicate, neutral, people pleasing, un-petty, and non confrontational to deal with the emotional weight it brings me. Since I’ve been watching the show I’ve been mulling around the idea of why I still watch it. The extravagance and wealth can only keep a viewer so long – why do I find myself more invested in the drama than I thought I would be?? Just like people indulge themselves in personal vices, I think there is something to be said about viewing someone else’s drama. Especially people we can disconnect to as we do with celebrities and tabloids. We don’t know them, so their lives feel open for judgment and critique at the expense of our own entertainment. Instead of dealing with the suffering I might feel going through the fights they go through, I can sit comfortably on my crumb festered couch and ask “what would *IIIIII* do if I were Kim Zolciak when Sheree just tried to pull my wig off??” (Sheree claims she just ‘tugged’ on it, to be fair.) Being able to criticize how these women respond and react to situations is what brings the actual entertainment to the show. A viewer can excitedly assess how they think they’d respond when they’re the only cast member excluded from a trip to the Berkshires. I can’t help but ask…..is this a new, tortured, psychological sense of entertainment? Since the brink of reality TV, our world has become obsessed. Some of you are too good for reality TV, but I am fascinated with the psychology behind it. Why am I giddy at the question of To Confront or Not Confront at these petty, overwrought arguments that somehow propel an entire season of bitchiness, brawn, Botox, and beauty?? 

In case you are new to planet earth, women are extremely complicated, nuanced creatures. Men don’t know women like women know women. A crux of the show is ladies being decidedly offended when one is “sorry you were offended”, when in reality we all know what that bitch’s intent was, don’t we?!? How can she pretend she was jesting about my “Herman Munster” Louis Vuitton shoes?? SHE WAS MAKING A DIG AND I KNOW IT. (Try and keep up.) This is the classic “housewife apology” – being sorry for your hurt feelings, not for what I said. Cuz you interpreted it wrongly. These women are ruthless. They know what they’re doing, they know the scrutiny they are opening themselves up to. They are SMART. Lisa Vanderpump’s favored dog has his own contract renewed each year for the show. He must appear in a certain allotment of time in the show. WUT?!? They are very aware of what they signed up for. Former ABC producer and actual princess Carole Radziwill says she was drawn to being cast on the show since she is naturally drawn to spectacle. That’s exactly what the show is. It survives on the sole premise of being offended, addressing issues at the wrong place and wrong time, exposing people’s flaws, humanism, extremism, bitchism, and the ancient yet time-tested act of “TALK(ing) BEHIND MY F**KING BACK!!!” (– Ramona Singer) 

We watch for many reasons. Some watch to revel in how others live, some watch to make their own problems feel minute, some watch to get inspired by what heel width I should be wearing right now (– asking for a friend.) THE POINT IS, my husband was slightly disturbed when I noted that his revolt for the show is actually disgust at the female mentality. What he sees on screen is what goes on in my head, which is what I hate about myself. I hate that I over analyze what she said, how she said it, and what she ACTUALLY meant when she said it, that narcissistic elitist. He’s quick to point out this is not Reality, no, these women would not be meeting at Nobu to discuss the nuance of an argument over what syllable exactly was emphasized when she said “Who gon’ check me boo??” (- Sheree Whitfield) And it’s true – this is not reality. It’s pomp and circumstance with the feminist subconscious sifted to the surface for my own gluttonous, wheel-of-brie eating pleasure. And I’ll take it gladly, if it means avoiding those pains in real REAL life. 

At the end of the day, this show is a frothy, fun-filled celebration of all that is girly. (“GIIIIIRRRLLLLS TRIIIIIP!!!!”) The players on the show aren’t ones to scoff at. They are not what makes the franchise an astonishing display of egos and money and wealth and offense. No. What makes the whole thing sad is the fact that I recalled all the quotes in this blog entry from memory. And that’s what the problem with this franchise is – it’s not the cast who propels this over indulgent self-absorption and vanity. It’s the viewer. And if being the viewer of this sardonic display is wrong, I don’t want to be right.