The Kartrashians

I’ve needed to write about TV, and I’m just going to get this one out of the way. I know what you’re thinking, we all know what we all think about them. We hate them, they’re talentless, they are purely attention-seeking. Unless you are one of the few who has learned to see the asinine fame-whore spectacle as fascination of the upper class snobs who must only have Calcutta GOLD marble in their bathrooms (as opposed to plain ‘ole Calcutta), or maybe you just simply love them. That part I don’t quite understand as much, but we are all aware of them, their name, and their inexplicable presence in the media. 

We hate them, we love to hate them, and we really love to tell people how much we hate them every time Buzzfeed posts a Khloe’s Top 10 Lip Color Moments listicle. This family wasn’t the least bit interesting 11 seasons ago, but they have been gradually gaining momentum. What the show used to be was “Hey Look At Us Wish We Were Famous” and has now become “Hey Look At How Absolutely Fucking Insanely Rich And Famous We Are, Bitchez”. Originally the show had nothing interesting to report. Every single plotline was overy produced – being so forcibly injected with stereotypical Family Strife stories to an eye-roll inducing degree. I can’t even describe them as they appear on TV, my brain only reads them as producers sitting around a table – Ryan Seacrest to be exact, convincing the family of this season’s new storylines – “Scott buys a Rolls that Kourtney knows he knows was too expensive, he is forced to return it.” “Kris wants to change her last name back from Jenner to Kardashian – everyone is livid while Kris feigns surprise.” “Kim claims to be prudish, hesitant, and unsure of becoming someone’s girlfriend, sleeps with him anyway.” “No one knows what Scott Disick does to make a living (YA RIGHT) so they investigate to find out he is the president of a luxury car dealership they happened to have filmed in many times before said episode.” My main problem with what they show really used to center around is plots as fake as Kourt’s boobs….Kim’s boobs and nose, Kylie’s lips, butt, waist, and eyes, and….well….you get the idea. 

I keep waiting for the next Wave Of Opinion, to shift from hating them to loving them (see: me and Lady Gaga’s ARTPOP) to probably hating them again in the future. There was a day when I woke up and all of a sudden was interested. Maybe I was just tired of hating them? Wanted to go against the masses? Now the show is pure pomp and circumstance. There was literally a fight between Khloe and Kim’s besties on who was more famous and how, because of the sisters’ fame….I just….I CAN’T YOU GUYS. It’s insane! And the always curious filmmaker inside of me is so fascinated by the spectacle that is the Kardashian Star Persona. (You know the hating just fuels them, right?) It’s also their money, their obliviousness, their looks, their repulsiveness, clothes, fame, money, fame, cluelessness, and unrealistically perfected hair and makeup that keep me invested. You know what it really is, is their ability to become famous for no real reason other than the idea of fame alone. Cuz that’s really the American dream, isn’t it. You know it is. DON’T BE JELLY.

How We Watch Film and TV

When we watch a film there are a few things that impact the way we currently and later feel about it. Whether we want to acknowledge, understand, and embrace these influences on our opinion are determined by how we want to perceive the film and TV we watch. Mk enough pedantic-talk. This isn’t a thesis. 

1. Environment where we consume

Who we are with, where we are, and how we’re watching definitely makes a difference in our opinion of a movie. Watching Magic Mike on a screen the size of Joe Manganiello’s ego is delightful. Watching Magic Mike with a drunk girl WOOOOOO-ing every time Channing Tatum dry humps a chubby girl can be a little repetitive and distracting – thus, impacting the overall takeaway of our experience. I’ve learned that the purest way for me to enjoy a movie is completely alone, on my own terms and conditions - usually being a bag of cookies and a plate of lava cakes, to be exact. It’s pretty hard to watch Lady In The Water with a neutral and objective eye when your dad and brother are making wisecracks about how terrible it is the whole way through. (Even if you’re very aware of how the tone of the room is impacting your experience and MY LORD that movie sucked anyway.) 

2. Why are we watching it?

Pressure? Critic ratings? Genuine interest in the story? The Actors? Director? The necessity? My kids have never seen Frozen and who am I to hinder them from this childhood rite of passage to be in on all the jokes? Hell, not just all the jokes but to know who that damn snowman is that keeps showing up on everything in the middle of July. I will never not see a new Christopher Nolan film. Just the fact that he has directed it will make me wanna see it. And filmmakers know that. How many films have been “Given A Thumb Up By Tim Burton” these days? It’s cuz they know people like me will say “well, in THAT case…” “Brought to you by the studios who wish they hadn’t passed on Avatar”….

3. What the world has told us about what we’re watching

What we have been told about it, how it’s been marketed to us, and whether or not we are buying into said marketing all impacts our perception before and after we see something. It’s funny to me how every new show of the season is “THE BEST NEW SHOW OF THE YEAR.” Like according to who, exactly?? Oh the network execs, marketing team, and Facebook friends of the Fresh Faces on the show. Duh. If Blake Lively goes on ABC’s wildly entertaining daytime cooking talk show The Chew and wears a cute Erdem dress, I’m a few percentages more likely to see The Green Lantern…….even though I haven’t seen it. Wait.....that’s cuz everyone agreed it sucked…….which has also impacted my decision not to go out of my way to see it yet. Funny how that works, huh. 

4. Time + our Memory impacts our lasting perception

I hated Kids the first time I saw it. A few months later I was raving about how impactful and tRaNscEnDeNt the whole thing was. Funny Games was absolutely horrifying and I wanted to curl into a ball and hide from all the inexplicable forth-wall-breaking. I decided it was too try-hard, creepy, cheesy and pretentious (all at once, somehow?!) so I haven’t seen it since. But my memory 6 years later confusingly leaves me with a feeling of how amazing it was. The cinematography was so suspenseful and nerve-wracking! The subject matter was genuinely scary and realistic. There are moments about it I will never forget that will stay with me forever, while I can’t tell you one actual thing about Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Another way I gauge my real feelings on a film is how I remember (or don’t) a movie. There are films I’ve caught on TV and think ‘oh yeah I liked this!’ then realize I can’t remember anything about it. Cuz I know for a fact I liked Butch Cassidy…..

It’s important when we settle into a full opinion of a film (or TV show) to recognize how so many factors can influence our overall take away. Unless, of course, you purposefully don’t care to acknowledge those impacts for the sake of pure enjoyment. Which is why I liked Mariah Carey’s Glitter. Mimi’s my girl.