Chernobyl

Chernobyl should have been released in October. With its subject matter and direction, it carries aaaalllllll the symptoms of a classic horror. The decision to take the story deep into that territory was perfect. What’s mostly so scary is that it’s not science fiction, it’s science nonfiction. After a nuclear meltdown at the Russian Chernobyl power plant in 1986, toxic radiation saturates the town of Pripyat, Ukraine USSR. While one could easily surmise the white men haphazardly saving the white man from the white men is the antagonist in this tale, the real killer in this story is virtually silent and invisible - nuclear radiation. Where the showmakers could have depended on a lot of horror tropes like jump scares and high tension to deliver fear, they simply rely on the actual reality of the story.

Chernobyl arrives at a perfect time. The political turmoil happening right now sounds like a deep echo from Russia’s past. A lot of young adults have heard of the nuclear tragedy but aren’t very familiar with its details. Through this tale, we learn about the cost of ‘LIIIIIES’ and the serious, snowball effects of them, vs. the cost of truth. HBO took a brilliant true story and packaged it in that glossy, gorgeous way only HBO can do. Now, biopics can definitely suck, (see; Lifetime), but I’m not sure the network has ever made a bad show. Since seeing the freshly starved GoT fans welcome Chernobyl with open arms, I’ve been torturing myself to really rack my brain about what is so appealing to the show, and I keep coming back to the basic story of it all. Chernobyl will surely get Emmy nominations, (CALLED IT) the acting is careful and refrained, the direction nailed the mise-en-scene, and it fits a quirky criteria like Limited series. But why, really, does everyone love it so much? It’s because of the story. This was a surefire, no-fail plan that some genius at HBO decided on. The subject matter is fool-proof, unlike the ‘fool-proof’ nuclear test. Incredible stories make for incredible TV. 

One major aspect HBO keeps nailing time and time again, is finding attentive, distinct directors with every show they make. When I refer to the direction generally I’m saying the ‘arrangement of everything placed in the frame,’ the mise-en-scene. Chernobyl is five episodes of extremely well-crafted television. We’re witnessing that perfect amalgam of great concept, screenwriting, acting, production design, and overall effect. Seeing the courtroom scenes smattered with cold, staring eastern bloc faces made me wonder what the casting call must’ve requested. The music groans like a contorted siren, mimicking that pillow effect you get from going to a loud concert. The fuzziness of the radiation-measuring dosimeters match the grainy film. That scene of children playing in the debris from the blast, all slow-mo and blurry…we essentially watch them make snow angels out of nuclear ash. It’s chilling. 

What I really need to say about Chern-chern, as I call it, is that it feeds the deep rooted tragedy-lover in me who craves to see the face melting, monster-making version of this story. I look at it as a glorious nihilist-pleasing sh*tshow that just so happened to have happened. Nuclear tragedy brings utter despair. We witness the immediate and gradual decay of the local first responders and power plant workers. Big boss Dyatlov, acting as the ‘Snape’ in this story, refuses the obvious facts with a cold, demeaning nature. He should have died right away, as he was physically close to the actual blast. But karma came for him cuz he spent a decade in prison for his mishandling of the disaster. How wild is that?! When a man appears with his skin disintegrating, puking like a coed, Dyatlov is like “ugh take him to the nurse I guess.” Dyatlov is a real life antagonist.

While the human peril is easy to follow in this story, the science of it all isn’t. The actual events of the blast never get explained thoroughly until the very end, during the trial. But I suppose that’s what actually happened, huh? The situation was shrouded in secrecy as the world searched for facts. The USSR was a socialist state until 1991, obsessed with its world reputation being portrayed as nothing but a superpower. They wouldn’t show any error or wrong moves, and buried anything painting them as incompetent, foolish, or weak. (This reminds me of a reality tv personality - any guesses? Yes, RHOBH star Lisa Vandertrump! Except LVP would NEVER order the shooting of dogs, no matter how deadly they may be.)

Personally I see the show as Why We’re F**ked; Humanity - an Observation - to be filed under Nihilism, exhibit A-Z 5. Loved it. But will the recent Emmy nods elicit an inapplicable season two??

Stranger Things 3

I love when a show gets released as it takes place, seasonally or around a holiday. Stranger Things premiered in July but took place during November. ST 2 was released around Halloween, with the story taking place at the same time. Now we have a summery ST 3 to watch betwixt our countless hot dogs and Roman candle misfires…..but has the song remained the same?

Stranger Things 3 has shaken things up a bit. This moody tween still has angst, bite, mystery, and monsters. But she’s traded in her scratchy autumnal sweaters for a festive summer dress. As the show has seemed to up their budget, (that CGI laser gun sequence, anyone??) the city of Hawkins, Indiana has upgraded from 1983’s earth tones and corduroy, main street mom and pop shops, to 1985’s preppy pastels, neons, loud prints, and a shiny new local mall to match. There has been a major tone shift on the show. We were settled into a fall time groove with dark early evenings and cozy costuming. Now we’ve been thrown into the dog days and someone switched the lights on. Hopper and Joyce are laughing and shooting the shit. The Starcourt Mall set is stuffed to the gills with Reagan-era signage and six thousand extras donning plastic jewelry and fluffy perms. The kids traverse a sunny green hill, and the visual is jarringly stark. Suddenly it’s a classic mid-80’s film, filled with camera work and tropes we’ve seen before. In the span of the first episode we hear about eight modern bops. The gang bands together for a surprise ‘welcome home’ for Dustin complete with a cheesy movie score. We’re cannonballed into jovial pool scenes with bodice ripper readers drooling over Billy the lifeguard, a shopping montage, a fiery new female, makeouts, and dispiriting internships at the local sexist-run newspaper. The camera slowly tracks up as music builds to reveal a fan favorite, science teacher Mr. Clarke. What once felt independent and unique now feels like watered-down American cinema. Seriously, I felt like I was watching a movie. Are we here for this change? One could easily argue these are purposeful techniques to give us that authentic 80’s feel. But to a more critical, cynical eye, (AHEM,) it’s tired. It’s cliche. It’s distracting from the actual substance these showmakers put before us. However, once the dust settled, we got right back into the groove we all know and love. The mood is hopeful as everyone’s sure their monster issues have been handled. But as us viewers expect, things just keep getting stranger…

The tone shift is great! It’s refreshing, it’s fun, it’s exciting. But can we say the same about the plot? I’m going to start by quoting myself, if I MAY BE SO BOLD. Three years ago I wrote - “The moment season one of Stranger Things ended, my husband and I got into a 1am ninety minute civilized yet shouty discussion of the future of the show, where we hoped it would go, and where we believed it would go….. I…felt so shockingly satisfied by the way the season ended, that I lamented and wished the next season would be a new “book in the series”, so to speak. Why keep on a story that feels so conclusive? Sure, this may only be a peek into the overall story, but I’m so happy with what I’ve seen! I don’t want to see more of these people in this place with this situation! I was distinctly shown this story is a book, wouldn’t the end of the season be the end of the book? Can’t we have another book in the series of Stranger Things, about some other, absurd and intriguing stranger things?? ST ended on SUCH a satisfying note, some of us want the show as an anthology series instead of an overwrought, wrung-dry slave to the moneymaking Netflix machine. Thomas has a very optimistic point of view with how the story will progress. (I don’t think it’ll be bad, season two, no.) I am pessimistic though. Why tamper with a good thing? Why not let it lie?” 

After viewing ST 3, I can proudly declare my fears were valid. We have now witnessed the same story three times. Season one consisted of; missing persons, the demogorgon, scientists, telekinetic powers, body snatching, Hopper going ham, the upside down, and what I refer to as the inside out (the dark place El goes to with the watery floor.) Season two; missing persons, demodogs, scientists, telekinetic powers, body snatching, Hopper going ham, the upside down, the inside out, and the Mind Flayer. Season three; missing shoppers, rat monsters, russian scientists, telekinetic powers, body snatching, Hopper going ham, the inside out, and the Mind Flayer. Is anyone else frustrated by this? At the end of season two, I distinctly remember turning to my husband and declaring “so we’re back to where we started, right?” What was it all even for, then? The Mind Flayer is back on his bullshit. Can we at least agree the Mind Flayer is a ‘he’?? Not to assume genders or gender roles, heaven forbid, but like, Mrs. Mind Flayer is probably sitting at home with some cold, corpse-y meal, wondering why he hasn’t called to say he’d be three seasons late. I’m starting to think there is no chance of defeat, especially since this season just broke every viewer record Netflix has (!!!) Within its first four days, 40.7 million accounts streamed Stranger Things 3. But obviously mine was one of them. Because at the end of the day, the show is entertaining! I may have issues with how cyclical the story is, (El’s all like “wait didn’t I just close the gate? I swear we just dealt with this exact thing.”) but there’s no doubt I’m mourning the end of the season, and am already excited for season four. 

A few more things and then I’m done I swear. The show currently spans two years and has taken at least three to film. These teen actors are aging like…well….teenagers. Noah Schnapp (Will) felt like a twenty year old playing twelve. We’re all just gonna have to keep suspending our disbelief on this one, ya? Ya. And do we really need to see Will reach for his neck EVERY time his hairs stand up? The CGI is great, he doesn’t need to give us another visual cue. Same with El’s nosebleeds, perhaps her body is getting more used to it by now? But who am I to mitigate a girl’s flow. David Harbour (Hopper) has been an acclaimed actor for years now, but he truly shines this season. Sometimes I have a hard time finding the words for acting chops, but I just had to let it be known. He really is a scene-stealer. Dacre Montgomery (Billy) really gets his due. He presents an ideal example of what good writing can do for a character. Billy was arguably the worst part of season two, and quickly becomes the best of season three. One last thing - correct me if I’m wrong, but, THE RUSSIANS NEVER SAID WHY?!

Julie the Film Student

In order to study any specific art major, students at my university had to complete an art foundations course. In 2005 I began two arduous semesters of drawing, color theory, composition, studio, and art history classes. After that, one submits their portfolio to the department of their choosing to get admitted to the program. It was a giant folding piece of cardboard full of work with your name and GPA written right on the front. That day sucked. That morning I got a call from my dad telling me my mom had breast cancer. So I found myself sitting in line for hours with all the other art hopefuls, anxiously contemplating our futures. After getting rejected from the film department, (and somehow accepted to the best sculpture program in the country?) my exquisite studio teacher declared I was robbed. At that point I had two films accepted into two separate student shows, and one had even been awarded. “They probably didn’t even open your portfolio because of your (shockingly terrible) GPA,” she said. So I confronted the film department director in his office, made a Pretty Woman-type scene of ‘big mistake, big, HUGE’, and stormed off to study Kinetic Imaging instead. And it’s a good thing I did.

Where the film department was committed to teaching antiquated formats like literal kodak cellulose acetate, Kinetic Imaging had the autonomy to work in many mediums, i.e. film vs. video. One could refer to it as ‘video art’. We studied animation, sound art, experimental film, and artists like Nam June Paik and John Cage. I created a lot. In spring of 2007 I made my crown jewel, my fourteen minute mockumentary about dumpster divers, as my final project. While there was a lot of artistic freedom encouraged, I couldn’t help but wonder what I was missing from a traditional film school education. How do you convince people to give you money to make your movie? Where does a producer have power over the director? What is the decision making process like at a big budget company like Disney? I spent two semesters in the program before I dropped out and decided to move west.

Flash forward to 2012, I found myself having spent five years working away without any more schooling. I was married, and about to fall pregnant with my first kid. I felt incomplete without more education. I spent two semesters essentially starting over at my new school. After decidedly unliking Thelma and Louise, proposing the director of (the highly racist) Birth of a Nation was simply a troll, learning that young children are actually aware of what commercials do, and giving birth to my daughter, I finally closed the schooling chapter of my life. 

So here I am! Desperate to have my many questions answered.

Isn’t it weird to see toilet paper commercials only ever filmed in bathrooms suspiciously large enough to film a toilet paper commercial in?

Why are all the moms in TV ads dressed so dowdy and similarly?

How are the props in hollywood stored and used? Is there a giant warehouse where prop masters inventory and rent out various stuff?

What is the conversation like between the person who designed Daenerys’ three-headed-dragon pin and the fabricator who created it?

Where is the line between friend and boss for producers on The Real Housewives?

Who ultimately makes the decisions on which shows get a green light at the upfronts? 

Are there contracts between movie theaters and distribution companies?

How exactly do art and commerce blend this harmoniously to create? Or do they?

Euphoria

HBO must have noticed how successful dark, young adult dramas have been, cuz they’re certainly jumping in feet first. With a giant stretch across the aisle to the adult-adult audience as well, Euphoria ups the ante in putting bleak teenagers on display. Think ‘Kids’ meets ‘Trainspotting’ meets ‘Varsity Blues’. When this kind of material hits the screen these days it’s usually in a watered down, poorly acted CW show. Zendaya takes the role of a sad strung out teen and brings chops, depth, and weight to her performance. Seriously though, other than the fact that she is clearly gorgeous, I can’t take my eyes off her. Her story is so sad, it’s impossible not to feel sorry for her. 

The subject matter is turned up to eleven. We’ve seen the common tropes of teenage peril before - sex, drugs, reputations, and insecurities. But much like the kids in these stories, they have been TURNT. We witness struggles with addiction, imbecilic white boys, a trans teen navigating dangerous situations, and an alarming dose of social media. There is a strange and perplexing mix of sweetness and darkness in Euphoria. I’m going to attribute that idea to the blurry show poster of a stoned Zendaya adorned with glitter and awash in pink and purple. The production quality matches the extreme yet modern standard the stories set. The visuals are neon and moody, surrounded in a metaphorically obvious shadowy atmosphere. As we see here, directors and cinematographers get a lot of fun and freedom whenever parties or drugs are happening on screen. There's a great moment where the camera delicately rolls around the set, carefully tracking and turning. The imagery gives me an impression of what the Euphoria mood board had on it - hazy neon signs, Migos, Sydney Sweenie’s Handmaids Tale sexy-voice, molly, unsolicited dick pics, and 'Clueless.' Although the drama takes itself quite seriously, there are moments that feel over the top and contrived - such as the underage drug dealer, the overly moody voiceover, and moronic boys asking 'R U A SLUT OR A PRUDE??' The whole time we kept turning to each other saying 'surely this isn't how things really are in high school right now, right....?'

Not sure if I’ll keep watching, I probably will. Anytime there are teens doing adult things on screen it freaks me out to my core, but I think I’m here for this glossy, glittery and jittery ride.

Julie the Production Assistant

Any wannabe filmmaker pre-YouTube knows the obvious first step to breaking into the industry is production assistant work. I had two experiences being a PA on actual real life sets.

Sometime around 2005 I got a tiny gig as a production assistant for a TV shoot. It was some sort of Tim the Toolman Taylor’s Tool Time handyman show on the DIY network in DC. My mom knew the director of photography, who had previously worked at C-SPAN as a cameraman. So I spent the day doing various tasks, like helping the sound guy with his equipment, and covering the logos on table saws with black tape. Then I had to sort of re-cover them in sawdust so it looked natural….At one point I took a lunch order and spent what felt like a decade trying to figure out how to get to the nearest Subway. By the time I got back, everyone, including myself, was STARVING. I do have a distinct memory of eating the best tasting subway cookie I had ever had. (??? TBH this sounds like me.) It was a long, fairly simple day. There were six people there. I was paid, but I don’t remember how much.

The only other real PA chance I had was while I was in college. A friend told me the show Nanny 911 was shooting locally and they were looking for film students to come do PA work for one day. I rushed to the shoot, signed some sort of production…agreement…?? Then found myself not quite knowing what to do. It seemed like I wasn’t going to be very helpful….but I eventually jumped into the fray and made myself useful. I was stunned and amused to see the crew had placed giant lights all over the family’s house, just out of the camera’s frame. They had even matched the paint in each room so viewers couldn’t tell there were extra light cords climbing the walls. The crew was told not to speak to the Nanny 911 family, as it was the last day of shooting and they needed to stay somber to say goodbye to Nanny. Do you remember Nanny 911?? You’re essentially encouraged to judge these helpless, desperate parents and the brats they're raising. A nanny would swoop to their rescue and teach everyone how to ackrite. It’s of the subgenre I call ’At Least It’s Not Me - Reality TV’. (Hahahaha boy was I wrong about that one. There should be an actual Nanny 911 hotline… ) ANYWAY, I met some LA producers who were excited to show a young college coed the various spreadsheets required to have everything run smoothly. One of them gave me his card. I think I still have it! That evening I had to assist in driving a giant van back to a lot. On the way back the director was asking me about my future and what I wanted to do in life. I told him about how thrilling I find the industry, how exciting working in TV could be, how badly I wanted to be a director. But first and foremost, “I want to be a mom.” He was like LOL DID U NOT JUST SEE THOSE WILD KIDS WE FILMED?? No, he didn't say that. But he was surprised by what I said. 

I’m glad I got those two days to learn about set life, since I have yet to do professional PA work again…

Perfect Bid: The Contestant Who Knew Too Much

I’m willing to bet that anytime you see The Price Is Right these days you are immediately transported to staying home sick. Is there anyone out there who hasn’t fantasized about studying up and having the game challenge YOU? What would happen if you were to catalog every item and its price ever put up for bid, then memorize said catalog? Perfect Bid: The Contestant Who Knew Too Much answers this question. We watch fanatic Theodore Slauson as he recounts his many tapings and accurate bid guesses on The Price is Right. The story is absolutely thrilling. To witness someone ‘take the house’, so to speak, is even more exciting than playing the game. At a short and sweet hour and ten, Perfect Bid is a jaunty little documentary. It covers the topic well, has great interviews, and tickles your game brain. 

It’s interesting to watch someone really dive into an obsession…… Ted reminds me a lot of my dad, actually. HEY DAD I KNOW YOU READ MY BLOG -  HAVE YOU SEEN PERFECT BID/DO YOU AGREE??

Fleabag / Miranda

There’s been a big movement in the industry to show ‘real’ women full of flaws, questionable decision making, and ‘unlikability’. While it might be a horrific realization to men across the nation, women rejoice and breathe a collective sigh of relief. FINALLY, we are being portrayed in the media for qualities other than utter pleasantness! Phoebe Waller-Bridge writes and stars as Fleabag - a modern, single, insatiable British gal dating in London. We quickly form opinions after we see her delight in shoplifting. We watch her journey of theft, expert level negotiating, sex, and a puppet-like on and off again boyfriend whom she navigates through turmoil for her own amusement. 

The show is known for its flawless breaking of the fourth wall. This is when a character acknowledges the presence of a camera. Waller-Bridge is able to sweetly charm a suitor, deliver some contradictive sharp wit while she burns the lens, then snaps back into seduction with ease. She is an actress incredibly full of depth. She possesses an important trait every actor should strive for - surprise. Waller-Bridge pulls many mugs and faces at camera. While expressive, she manages to control even the slightest muscles in her face. The editing in Fleabag is a style worth studying. Quick cutaways and sharp edits keep the comedy feeling fresh and unforced.

I heard on the ‘gram that ‘Miranda’ is what some refer to as the originator of the BBC quirky quick-witted lens burner. So in an attempt to learn more I just got sucked into her 2009 sitcom on Hulu. And I must say, Miranda has me laughing more than Fleabag! While I do enjoy Fleabag, I think I’ll explore Miranda a little more….Miranda Hart looks straight into the camera to plead with viewers, desperately seeking encouragement during moments of social awkwardness. The live studio audience cackles at the various prat falls and silly antics of a single woman living alone and desperate to date. Miranda is at the butt of every joke. Like any great comedian, she puts the audience at ease by immediately poking fun at herself, her size, and overall appearance. Miranda’s show has me hooked. I’ve revisited it more than Fleabag, in fact. I can’t believe how much I’m actually cracking up at! I can see how this show would inspire a more polished take…

Both shows are fabulous! But as I’ve said before, what kind of American would I be if I wasn’t pitting women against each other?? Overall, I’d simply categorize Fleabag as a bit naughty and Miranda as a bit nice. Now go watch both and report back!

Game of Thrones - Finale

There’s a petition going around right now asking for HBO to remake season 8 of GOT with ‘competent writers’…..it has over a million signatures! And this is where we are in 2019. If you want a company to spend millions of dollars on you cuz they didn’t get it right the first time, a petition will do the trick!!! Surely HBO will bend the knee to its viewers. NOT. Ya’ll are morons. Anyone who is that butt-hurt about where the show has gone clearly set themselves up for disappointment. And no, they didn't have the books to fall back on, so yes, the show runners gained creative control over the ending of the story. Get over it.

Expectation is a funny thing in the TV world. When watching anything, it’s important to acknowledge your expectations going into it. At least monitor your excitement, preparedness, hesitation…..notice yourself gearing up in a certain direction about what you will view and how you think you already feel. Then assess yourself during your viewing - are you enjoying it? Are you getting let down? How can you adjust your mental course so you’ll still be happy in the end? Or can you?

When I thought about the options in my head, I feared we were headed toward a perplexing, disappointing ending (like the show LOST’s finale.) Let’s break it down a bit. Game of Thrones had a few choices of where it could end. We could end with a ruler we expected/wanted, or a ruler we didn’t expect/want, or we could end on a note that maybe wouldn’t polarize the audience TOO badly by bringing a roundtable of the bewildered leftover characters to give a giant shrug at the question of WHO SHOULD RULE??

This is essentially my biggest problem with the finale. After all these years, various journeys, bloodshed and battle to get to the throne, you’re telling me no one knows what to do?? No one had a backup plan? This was the least opinionated council of people I’ve ever witnessed, and I used to work in public involvement. It’s also funny to see them hint at democracy just to immediately shut it down, cuz that ending wouldn’t have been satisfactory either. It would have been too much of a political statement. I suppose I’m just baffled at the choice of Bran. After years of being told nothing gets done without hard work, I was pretty shocked to see the most listless, apathetic, lackadaisical character on screen win the throne. SO THERE’S HOPE FOR ME, MA! Where I once saw him as this all-knowing, humble, dazed and confused person who seemed so careless about the self, we learn that, in fact, every move Bran made led HIM to the throne. AND HE SAW IT COMING. Now he can say ‘I don’t want it’ all he wants, but……if this show has taught me anything about the concept of power…..I don’t think I believe him.

When you consider what the writers had to do, you kind of get why they did it. Try and think about where they were coming from and what feat they had to accomplish. It’s like we’ve spent years watching them painstakingly put together a giant 5,000 piece puzzle. And they did it well, too! In the words of Kit Harrington, “whatever critic spends writing about this season and makes their negative judgement on it, in my head they can go f—k themselves ‘cause i know how much work was put into this.” In this age of demand and consumption WAY surpassing supply, the viewer easily forgets the blood, sweat, tears, and MONEY it takes to make a show of this magnitude. If anything you should really be thanking HBO - they made it possible for you stare off into the screen, getting lost in Westeros with the boobies and dragons, in your battered sweatpants, wine-stained teeth and hazy cloud of cheeto dust.

Now that the watch has ended, we are all left with a gaping hole in our Sunday evenings. but remember to look back fondly and know that it was never about the destination, but the journey.

DRACARYS.

The Young Pope

The Young Pope is a story following the world’s first ‘young’ and American pope in his journey of discovering the true roll of the Catholic prophet, testing its boundaries, and baptizing the house of the holy. Jude Law is Pope Pius Xlll, aka Lenny Belardo, the first American pope and the youngest to have ever reigned. He’s somewhat of a contrarian, smoking in his office, refusing direction from his advisors, and rejecting his predecessor’s liberal views. Lenny feels like a typical power hungry leader, fueled by ego, doing as he wants once elected into office. (This sounds SO familiar….hmmmmm…HMMM) Akin to  Game of Thrones’ Joffrey, Pius Xlll takes charge in his own way much to the horror of those designated to guide his rule. The show is setting us up to be shocked and appalled by his actions, aaaaaand that is what I’m here for, personally. Who doesn’t love watching a dissenter stomp all over people? IN FICTION, LET’S BE CLEAR.

HBO has set a standard. I’m not aware of any big misses they’ve made. (Anyone?) Much like Westworld, the trailer has done an excellent job of setting me up to expect a HBO-level of flawless television. The Young Pope made it’s visual theme clear from the get go. We see extremely artistic imagery. This is not a typical American-made show crafted from the hands of big name Hollywood. The show is created, written, (with others,) and directed by the wholly Italian Paolo Sorrentino. No, you don’t know anything he’s made. He’s as Italian as my great-grandmother, who hails from Canavese, Italy. Clumsy comparison, but not untrue. This is not a Prego, Papa John’s, Bertolli version of Italian camera craft. This has not been watered down and American-ized for our pleasure. It is pure Fellini-core, with many moments and shots serving solely as visual allegory. And ohhhh do I WELCOME IT. It’s so refreshing to see “cinemaaahhhhhh” (as my british Film History teacher would declare) on the small screen. I really appreciate the heavy handed foreign/un-American look of this show. There’s a moment when the pope frees a Kangaroo from the giant warehouse of gifts he’s received, and we later see it peeking and lock eyes with someone in the vast Vatican garden. This moment doesn’t progress the story, it doesn’t make any immediate metaphorical connection to me, but it’s just beautiful and takes breath out of the character, bringing pause and beauty for the sake of pause and beauty. 

FLASH FORWARD SOME ODD EPISODES WORTH: I’ve finished The Young Pope Season 1. Much like HBO’s fellow newbie Westworld, the show left something to be desired, it peaked before it wrapped up, it held its viewers with its captivating style and intriguing plotline. I was giddy to see each week’s new episode for both shows. I was taken on a ride that was exciting and interesting. My problem with each is that they just…kind of fizzled out. Anyone agree? With Westworld I can blame Vanity Fair for their extensive dissections and fan theory break-downs being too tempting and ultimately spoiling everything for me. With The Young Pope I think I expected some grand, giant climax the size of the Catholic Church itself. All thematic elements, motifs, and visual splendor aside, when it ended it felt like “………well, ok, then.” I’m not hating or loving the characters, I’m not invested in their lives, I don’t care about them really, and I don’t think a Season 2 would really be necessary. I don’t think there’s much else about this Young Pope that we need to see, other than him shirtless, Jude Law. If the show will have a second season, they’ll really need to ramp up the drama. Pius can’t be bothered with slanderous attempts at blackmail, political brawls, or sexual advances. The only struggle he showed was an eagerness to fill the void where his parents should have been, having abandoned him when he was eight. Nine? Ten. He was ten. Was he ten??? He fights with this demon of abandonment. The problem with it, was that it was somehow just not compelling enough. 

The show only has a 75% Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes, so, take it as you will. 

The Handmaid's Tale

When Hulu released clone-y handmaids marching in unison amongst the crowd at the South by Southwest festival this year, outlets labeled the effort as “creepy, terrifying, and unsettling.” So, what I mean here is, I found my next Halloween costume. Also that this was an impressive, unforgettable, therefore successful marketing effort. I’ve been avoiding writing about this one, cuz no show has made me cry as often as The Handmaid’s Tale. It’s rough. It’s a hard pill to swallow. (Warning: DO NOT BINGE.) I once heard a podcast that discussed evolutionary genetics - as in only the strong and smart survived eons ago, creating the genetic pool of who lives today. (THANK YOU, ANCESTORS.) The Handmaid’s Tale makes me think about this theory quite often. Because the only handmaids that will outlive their torturous realities and pass on their genetic superiority are the smart, sharp, quiet, determined, cunning survivors. 

The horror of watching women get fired from the workplace, pried from their families, brainwashed into servitude, raped under religious order, children ripped from their hands, silenced, forcibly channeling aggression through sanctioned beatings, withheld from books, internet, media, and even boardgames, all in the name of God, well, guys, it sucks. It’s painful. I’ve decided to call it ‘pain-watching’. The Handmaid’s Tale is a near-future dystopian hell based off of Margaret Atwood’s 1985 novel. Infertility has scarred current day and the righteous see it as a plague. A new uprising overthrows modern U.S. government and implements their own regime in an attempt at correcting humanity’s actions. There are ‘eyes’ always watching, rebellions rising, hypocritical leaders, and desperate, infertile wives. Only the submissive survive as they’re broken into color coded categories, the handmaid’s donned in a stark red while their purpose is to procreate for the barren leaders. There has been a lot of chatter about the timeliness of this show, and if you don’t see what everyone is talking about, you might be part of the problem. (See also: general women’s rights, reproductive rights, et al.) 

The story is non linear, showing peeks of life before the uprising, what normality used to be. This technique is always welcome as it defines precise manipulation of the story we watch and emotions we feel. The story is disheartening, sickening, passionate, sensual, and unique. (Also, have I mentioned? REALLY HARD TO WATCH.) The mise-en-scene captures these feelings perfectly. This neomodern society reverts its dress, attitude, and speak to a more primitive time, muttering confusing and seemingly arbitrary greetings in Shakespearean prose, along the lines of “The sun and dust, greetings to your hemline”, etc. Huh?? It’s a world where everyone’s bread is homemade and women are objects and owned, strapped into simple, painfully practical dresses. The Handmaid’s red attire and giant white bonnets glide cautiously down the plain streets punctuated by black clothed military men with automatic weapons comfortably glued to their hands, poised to uphold their beliefs through firearms within milliseconds. (Whoever does the color design in post production needs a raise.) The bonnets serve good imagery in their scale and brightness. They act as shields from the handmaid’s faces and conniving minds.

There are quite a few bird’s eye views in the permanently overcast atmosphere, the deeply cinematic shots reminding us of the ever present eye-in-the-sky. (I’m sort of obsessed with surveillance-esque cinematography, so this pleases me.) The periodic use of modern music is jarring against the vintage looking scenery. I am DYING for a shot of the handmaid’s in slow-mo pacing to Level’s iconic ’I Bet You Wont’ with mischievous looks on their faces. THAT would be a scene, and the show could use some light heartedness!

The score sets ALL the tones with its sweeping, dooming, aching chords. The piano sounds Chopin-chaotic yet meticulously plucked out. It certainly emphasizes how crazy these characters must feel. Sometimes the melodies are hopeful, sometimes they’re fearful. Sometimes they make you cry, like I do, almost every episode. There’s also a subtle siren-like groan throughout the show, a clear nod to the prison these women are kept in. Seriously though, if you don’t watch the show, PUH-LEASE listen to the music - The Handmaid’s Tale by Adam Taylor on Spotify.

Elizabeth Moss won the highly covetable, enviable role of June aka Offred. She carefully emanates Offred’s scheming mind through moments of facial pause with focused eyes, having to quickly calculate what she should say or what her next move should be. After all, her life is always depending on it. I would put a billion dollars down on her getting an Emmy nom. (Edit to add - she won, too!)The role is too good, she is too good, mark my words, it’s happening. Alexis Bledel, Samira Wiley, and Yvonne Strahovski shine in their roles as well. (Alexis carries an entire INTENSE...no, INSANE episode without saying a word!) The men are great too, but this is not their story. They mostly just glare with still mouths and brooding eyes, always looking pensive. And I’m ok with that. THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU, GUYS. 

“Better never means better for everyone.”

“Ordinary is just what you’re used to…”

The Handmaid’s Tale is on Hulu and will start filming season two in September. I CAN’T WAIT THAT LONG?!

Better Call Saul

Confession: I’ve seen probably 5 episodes of Breaking Bad and I was just not a fan. It felt too dark and heavy, like a chore to me. When I saw them pull that kids body out of the dirt pile in the truck I was like OK I’M OFFICIALLY DONE TRYING, HERE. Better Call Saul, on the other hand, is an utter delight. Bob Odenkirk gets his hard earned time to shine thirty years in the making with an utterly inspired casting choice. This is one of those perfect trifectas of genius character, fine-tuned writing, and outstanding acting. Jimmy McGill (not yet taking on the Saul name) is one of the most entertaining characters on TV. A natural hustler, Jimmy makes things happen practicing law while tight-rope walking the ethical line. He fights with others and himself to justify the questionable things he does. If he does something morally dubious, it’s always for the benefit of someone else. Sure, he may tamper with evidence, but it’s because someone else’s life will be altered by it! 

The show is a study on characters. The plots are interesting and the situations hold tension, but what really stands out are the paths the characters choose to take. A strength of Better Call Saul is its unpredictability. You can never guess what someone is going to do. Even when a character is clearly making a certain decision, it is not laid out point blank for you to see. You are led on a bit of a goose chase, left on the edge of your seat. The characters are two steps ahead of us and it makes for enticing TV.

A hugely underrated actor, Michael McKean, portrays Jimmy’s mentally disturbed lawyer brother. Their relationship is tumultuous with a constant power struggle. The brothers each have a huge ego, constantly trying to one up each other as they have done all their lives. Michael’s character Chuck has worked hard at his law degree and is a brilliant book-smart lawyer. Jimmy woke up one day wanting to be a lawyer, got a chintzy law degree, and passed the bar without much effort. Jimmy has charisma and grit which wins people over immediately. For those reasons Chuck feels competitive with him. Chuck has a ‘condition’ called electromagnetic sensitivity. Basically it results in him depending on ice in coolers, gas lamps, and astronaut blankets. Leading a life as such makes practicing law very difficult for him, and his partners (see: leaving all cell phones and key fobs out of meetings. Well, ok, that’s not so difficult on paper, but, you know. It really is.) Chuck’s condition serves as an interesting story element and is both a figurative and literal lack of power over Jimmy. As a result of this problem the lighting team was given an even bigger one. I have never seen such an impeccably lit…ANYTHING. (I mean,…other than Kendrick Lamar’s new album but STICK WITH ME HERE.) Chuck’s home has no electricity in it, proving a major challenge in the lighting department. Have you ever tried to properly light something that’s dark on film? On your iPhone? Do you realize how difficult it is? Cuz I do. So much so, that I get distracted by the minuscule points of light in the scenes in Chuck’s home. It is impossibly dark and yet perfectly lit.

On the one hand we have this story punctuated with dark visual moments, and on the other we have the opposite. Mike Ehrmantraut (portrayed by Jonathan Banks) gets the privilege of being mysterious in his straight-faced badass role of the judge, jury, and executioner. While Mike has a darker storyline, it is oft portrayed in giant vast landscapes of high desert mecca assisted by extreme angles and long horizon lines. Lots of blue sky and red rocks. Where Jimmy’s work is done up close and face to face, Mike’s is tucked away in secret meeting places at a long distance. Mike is an ex cop and some sort of ex marine or something. And I think he’s an ex something else, too. He finds himself working in a parking toll and a hit man for the local gangs. Mike has an infinite knowledge of all things vigilante. While he also struggles with his moral conscience, he is keenly able to predict the nuances of a murderous situation with the affect of…I dunno,…Mariah Carey?? Someone unbothered, learned, collected, confident, and secure. That sounds like Mimi, right?? WORK THROUGH THE CLUNKY COMPARISON, I BEG YOU.

On to the rough part. I dunno if it’s cuz I seem to dislike women in general, (except Mariah?) but, Kim Wexler (by Rhea Seehorn) is the most middle of the line person on all of television, ever. When my class of 500 students was ranked by GPA my senior year, I seriously landed at like 252. THAT IS KIM WEXLER. She is neither hateful nor lovable. She has no outstanding qualities whatsoever. A friend pointed out she is “a powerful lawyer.” Well, ok. And what?? She has the personality of drywall. I believe her purpose is to be the dead leaf in the wind, floating throughout the storylines to serve as the characterless character propping up the other stories around her. I do think the acting contributes to this. Rhea makes choices, but they feel so….blah. Too neutral? I’m not sure. I’m having a hard time articulating how I feel about Kim, if you can believe that.

The show is a prequel to Breaking Bad, (the presence of flip phones a common reminder,) and that in itself makes for unique viewing. Better Call Saul is a modern show while emulating faux history, it’s genre blending abilities combining drama with a wink and a nudge. Dark, yet hopeful. BB fans know where our Jimmy ends up, so the show is one of a kind as it’s like solving a puzzle backwards. What happens to Kim? Chuck? Why does Jimmy shift to Saul? Is it a legal issue? Just how did he get so entwined in the local gangs?…

Better Call Saul airs on AMC and can usually be found on Netflix.

Big Little Lies

I’m moving to Monterey, California. Mallory has found me a 543 sqft apartment for $439,000 and quite frankly I think it’s a STEAL. Who’s coming with me?? The star of the show was not Nicole Kidman or Reese Witherspoon or Laura Dern or Shailene Woodley or my future wife Zoe Kravitz or the soundtrack. The star of Big Little Lies is THE HOMES. My gosh, I could live in any one of them. The location scouts and production design perfectly matched each character to her respective home. Nicole’s was dark, bruise-y in color, sexy, and fragile, Reese’s (my personal fave) composed, sturdy, standing high above the ocean, Laura’s both modern and exposed, Shailene’s humble, practical, and modest, Zoe’s a removed zen garden of jewelry-making bohemia and laissez faire attitude, every one awash in a hazy blue Instagram filter. 

Big Little Lies is based on a novel about privileged soccer mom drama taking place in a small community’s elementary school where parents are overly excited to greet their children at pick-up. Seriously though, has anyone else noticed that?? No one is THAT excited for their kids to get home from school. (I’m referring to a specific moment where it’s slow mo and everyone’s embracing their kid like they’ve just come home from war. Are they simply putting on airs? They must be.) The series is shown as an entire flashback, leading up to a dramatic murder of who - you don’t know - until the last ten minutes of the season.  We see talking heads of various townspeople spilling the tea about the main ladies to detectives. Turns out, everyone has motive against someone else. The relationships are as rocky as the scenery. The personalities are as big as the SUVs. Oh, and there’s a lot of staring at the ocean. A LOT. The kids endure typical conflict, including bullying, biting etc, but mostly their issues serve as a way for the parents to project their own battles onto the schoolyard… It reminds me of how when you have kids you get to avoid talking to other parents by just talking through your child. “Jimmy, tell Sarah you’re sorry…and her mom’s a jerk.” “Sarah, tell Jimmy apology not accepted and HIS MOM CAN SHOVE IT.” It’s not totally like that, but it reminds me of it. All y’all with kids know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.

It took me a few episodes to get into it. After the pilot I was disturbed by the kid-on-kid violence, (my least favorite theme of all time,) but I timidly peeked through my hands to indulge in the cat fights. To be honest, like a strong undertow, the homes DREW ME BACK IN. The show is certainly soapy, but it does pass the Bechdel test, albeit ironically at times. You know what else passes the Bechdel test? “OMG Becky, look at her butt.” So. Big Little Lies highlights aspects of female friendship you rarely see on television. These women are supportive, strong, vocal, and friendly  - when they want to be. They can be backstabby and vindictive, but, I find that to be an accurate representation of women. Reese’s character is the type of girlfriend I need to have - she has something I lack, courage to confront. All privilege, qualms, and social commentary aside, the women manage to come together in the end. AWWWWW.

HERE IS YOUR SPOILER WARNING. I’mma get into this piece.

Nicole Kidman and Alexander Skarsgard play out an extremely volatile, heated, deep, sexy, intricate relationship full of physical abuse. When we typically see abuse in film and TV it’s very one-note, lacking depth and complexity. It’s as simple as he beats her = he’s evil. Big Little Lies dives into what I imagine is a lot of people’s reality in the situation, it’s quite messy and…complicated. The scenes are hard to watch and surely harder to portray. I just read how traumatic the whole experience was for the actors, and it’s like….YA. WE CAN SEE THAT. To view that level of intensity and consistency with abuse on screen is something I’ve never witnessed. It’s horrifying. The big problem the characters have is that their abuse is tightly wound into their passion. It confuses them and the viewer to have so much sexual pleasure derived from their power struggle and pain. It’s an extremely enthralling storyline, as hard as it is to see. (Alexander Skarsgard was serving some sort of visual resemblance to my husband so imagine MY confusion??) If you asked anyone who’s seen the show, it had us feeling some sort of way. Celeste (Nicole) makes a painfully compelling argument that her husband is a wonderful provider and the best father in the world, and as far as we can see, he is. It was suggested to me I’m more conflicted on the issue possibly because I too have children. This is probably true. I’m not saying I’d stay, hell-to-the-no, it’s just that, I can sort of hear her reasoning. You feel?? She’s convinced herself of these things to excuse his behavior and allow herself to go on with her situation. Watching their problem get unravelled with the aid of a therapist makes for intoxicating TV and standout performances.

Regarding the ending, I felt sort of befuddled by the culprit. We could all see the other stuff coming, and I like that the tension between Bonnie and Ed was left untouched, but I was a bit let down by the way it unfolded. After some light researching (i.e.; comment reading,) I learned that Bonnie had actual motive in the book. She explains that she saw her father abuse her mother growing up. I think that information would have been helpful in concluding the show. It didn’t need to be hinted at, they wouldn’t even have to write a line about it, personally I would do one of those silent flashback shots of Bonnie's traumatic memory in the last sixty seconds of the show as she stares off into the sea with her gorgeous jawline…

If they try a second season so help me. Everything’s been said, the story is wrapped into a big little bow, and any attempt to exploit the magic of the cast and success of the show will fail miserably in its lack of further story. What was needed to be said was said. Let’s leave it at that.

Big Little Lies airs on various HBO outlets.

GIRLS

Girls is a Sex and the City style single-white-women sex com about four privileged girls romping around New York City. We watch in horror as they magnify both their trite and significant issues with the laser-focus of a kid trying to fry ants with the sun. These women are all insufferable. They are terrible people. While viewing the show I definitely said the word ‘UGH’ out loud more than I’ve ever written it and that is truly saying a lot. The show is the brainchild of writer-director-actress Lena Dunham, and everyone has an opinion about her. As I’ve witnessed it, people loved her and now they hate her. From where I’m sitting, the show was wildly popular when it first aired five years ago. As the characters became more unbearable and Dunham’s eyebrow raising memoir was published, the acclaims became less and less… ‘critical.’ It seems as though people found the show funny and endearing and entertaining, and now the characters are too cringey to be adored. Why can’t anyone see their horribleness as being the point of the entertainment? (And on that subject, why does everyone hate Ramsey more than Joffrey because for some reason I really enjoyed watching Ramsey’s harrowing cruelty - wasn’t that the point? And why does everyone complain every time someone dies because that is the ride Georgie Martin is TAKING. US. ON. and it’s a lot more pleasant if you decide to see it as entertainment rather than something to be irritated by? Oh right, I just remembered. Outrage is the new Black. Nevermind.) 

When Girls first aired it was too widely received for me to be interested. (I’m a loner, Dottie. A rebel…and a contrarian, it’s what I do.) It just looked so AWFUL. Desperate women who think they’re a lot brighter than they are while eternally whining about their first world problems. Weeeelllllllll as the viewers turned on Dunham, (I recently saw someone somewhat accurately describe her as a wet piece of ham,) I decided to bite. The dissent was attractive to me. The sixth and final season began a few weeks ago, so I binged the entire show a few months before. (I love how it’s somehow ok for me to say “I binged (something)” and it will be accepted. See also: my blog title.) After watching fans grow less excited about Girls, I learned to view the characters with a certain lens. One that prepared me for the gross display of juvenile ineptitude. Having accepted that perception, I really enjoy the show!! No, really! This could be a scathing review but in my opinion, the unbearable spectacle of these tone deaf infants is THE amusement of the show. If it isn’t viewed through this position, what’s the point in watching? Is this making sense? Cuz it was somewhat complicated for me to articulate. DOES ANYONE FEEEEEEL ME?

One of the flaws I’ve spotted is writers bending personas in favor of the story. After discussing this with a blog consultant, friend, and fan of the show, - Mallory; I’m wondering if I feel this way because of the way I consumed the show - through bingeing. A character changing their personality would definitely be a lot more palatable and understandable over an extended period of time. Like I’ve said before - this could be why HBO still releases a show once a week - the show makes more sense in tiny potent doses of our ‘fix’, like those unrealistic commercials of women savoring a single piece of chocolate at a time like it’s the last time they’ll ever see chocolate. HAHA RIGHT. HBO is trying to teach us delay of gratification, something we’ve seemed to have forgotten about or never learned to begin with….(see also: me devouring an entire bag of chocolate.) Girls is genuinely funny. Funny enough to keep my snobby husband ‘hate-watching’ it. (His words.) The humor carries the weight of the melodrama and oblivious despair. The comedy is definitely a big part of the shows appeal. As with Sex and the City, there are many set-ups and falls. Maybe there’s a satisfaction in watching these girls get slapped in the face by the reality of life. No, there’s definitely a satisfaction in that. 

My husband claims Adam Driver is the only reason why he watches the show. I must admit, my introduction to Driver was the latest Star Wars and he is quickly becoming my new favorite actor. (See also: Lakeith Stanfield - CALL ME BOO.) Driver’s get-me-out-of-my-own-skin awkwardness is just what the show needs. The juxtaposition between his insecurity and the girls’ misplaced security is smart. His physicality is unrivaled. He steals every scene he’s in. His ability to control his emotional, verbal, and physical discomfort is captivating. What’s more, is that Driver gets to play an actor on the show. And a GREAT one at that. This is like an actor’s dream. He gets to play someone playing actor, getting to wear various masks and OWNING. IT. Driver is nuanced and interesting and leaves you wanting more. (Note to self - must see Paterson.)

Lena Dunham has stated the series will end as you expect it to, which to me, means giant face-slaps all around. And I’m happy for that. She says fans of the show will love the ending and I’m interpreting that as each girl falling flat on her ass, seemingly never having learned a thing in the show’s exhaustive six seasons. Who wants a neatly wrapped bow when you can have torment and tragedy?? Besides, that’s what truly makes a person overcome their immaturity, is it not?

Get Out

Run, don’t walk: you must immediately go see Get Out. I know a film was successful to my taste when I’m slightly overwhelmed with how to carefully unpack it. In fact, I feel so strongly about this film, that I actually wrote an outline first, did several drafts, and slept on it. This is a first for me. I usually just ramble until something semi coherent comes out. But no, this film deserves a more astute observation than that. Whether or not you can tell a difference…..I don’t know. but I don’t think that’s the point. IS IT? YOU TELL ME. I DON’T KNOW ANYMORE. WHAT AM I EVEN TALKING ABOUT NOW?? AHHHHHHJUSTGOSEETHISFILMYOUGUYZ.

As Jordan Peele (of comedic Key and Peele fame) was the writer/director of Get Out, it’s near impossible for me to talk about the writing and the directing without acknowledging they go hand in hand……I once took a screenwriting class and the teacher would tell me to stop writing the direction into the script. It was SO HARD for me to learn to do that. As an aspiring auteur, I could not write something without having the complete vision already in my head. It was a compulsive need to let the world know how this story must be told; shots, movement, acting, and all. (Think Beyonce: Lemonade. YAS.) Turns out writers don’t do that. Unless, of course, they are also the director. This was a long winded way of me saying THEREFORE, in the case of this flick I will address the story and direction hand in hand, as they felt so symbiotic and dependent of each other. Get Out felt like a sleeper writer/director finally getting his moment and taking the absolute most advantage of it. This film…..feels like it was mentally directed from shot to shot before it was even pitched. One can easily see how thoughtfully crafted this piece of art was made. 

Now, I’m going to give a spoiler warning here as it’s near impossible to talk about the movie without maybe breaching spoiler protocols. SO. If you are trying to avoid spoilers,….now might be the time to go. All others, proceed. With caution. I guess. I dunno, I don’t know you. DO WATCHU WAN. I’m basing my warning off of how much I personally felt was revealed in the trailer, so I imagine you have an idea of what the film is about. ANYWAY. 

Get Out is a modern thriller/horror flick grappling with the subject of white on black racism. With a distinct enslavement theme running throughout, we watch as Chris (Daniel Kaluuya) visits his white girlfriend’s (Alison Williams) parents house and gradually gets trapped there, eventually being sold as a modern slave to the winning bidder. More on the major theme later, let’s leave the heavy stuff for last. Even though this is fairly obvious from the trailer, the film still manages to leave you on the trite edge-of-your-seat. (All y’all with fit bits - I swear your heart rate will surge throughout the show. Really, just watch your body-watch, I bet it will show you. No, I don’t have one, I don’t know how the technology works, I’m just an overtired stay at home mom but I imagine $200 for a fart counting watch would tell you that kind of wizardry, right? Right.)  With expert level tension-building camera work, startlingly visceral imagery, obvious and not-so obvious motifs, pleasant pacing, and restrained yet exciting bursts of action, I was utterly enthralled the whole way through. And I hate scary movies. Peele uses classic horror elements like jumpy moments and the sharp violins that punctuate them. The music was ever-present but never too much. Get Out knows what it wants to be. The film is quite lean in it’s 4 million dollar budget.The dialogue and action were sharp, humorous, fat-free. It felt very…..confident in its essence. And it worked. Get Out felt very….poised. Like I said, it was clearly conceived and crafted carefully and gradually over time. Very well thought out. Miyazaki-style. 

In regards to the acting - Williams does her thing as newcomer Kaluuya (Black Mirror fans may recognize him) declares the film his own, gaining certifiable New One To Watch status. A minor side character portrayed by my future husband Keith Stansfield is like the role dreams are made of - but I don’t want to give too much away. Stansfield’s character has the honor of controlling the film’s climax, and it is one of the most impactful, memorable moments.  Kaluuya’s character has a TSA working comedic bestie (Lil Rel Howery) who does a great job of being funny without being cheesy, certainly the result of a perfected trifecta of writing, directing, and acting, never taking the story to obvious or expected extremes. 

Now here’s the hard part. The story. The film is very self-aware - when it comes time to auction Chris off, the auction is silent, surely a nod to the present day reality of secretly taped scandal getting leaked to the world. In fact, Chris picks up on what’s happening to him as we witness it (which I could attempt to relate to the overall theme further but that is SO beyond me.) This was a wise move since audiences are finding it harder and harder to suspend disbelief, especially in a genre as predictable as horror. The actual subject matter is what is so horrifying. It truly is a modern thriller. I will make it clear, tackling the subject of racism with the respect and nuanced perspective needed is way above my pay grade. (See also: me acknowledging my privilege.) But I will say this; the white characters in the film are not racists, no. They would not have anyone think that. “Ya know, I would have voted Obama for a third term” the father touts. The white characters in Get Out are what I’m going to call neo-racists. They don’t hate black people, no, no. They admire them. They feel their muscles, envy their athleticism, claim black people are “in fashion,” they fetishize them. They objectify them, while still feeling intellectually superior…. This could be called a postmodern version of racism. (People of color - tell me - is this just modern??) Get Out exhibits cultural appropriation to its max - with literal appropriation of ones body….and that’s all I’m going to say about that…

Overall, Get Out is an expertly simmered symphony of perspective, writing, directing, and delightfully stylized cinema with a plot for every modern person to absorb in horror. Peele is making an expressive and assertive debut of his talent in the film world. Production companies will be throwing themselves at him as we ALL wait with baited breath.

The Crown

As I was wrapping up the series I realized Her Majesty has TOTES watched all ten hours of this show. How could she not?? It’s based on her actual life and the closed-door side of it we never get to see. Ne’er revealing or hypothesizing too much, the show reveals just the right amount of privacy, opulence, and drama. Buckingham Palace owns the last semblance of class, surely green lighting every move the show makes. The Palace takes these things seriously, I’m positive. One of the first things you notice in the show is the immaculate opening sequence. As the Hans Zimmer score builds, we see close ups of gold being forged and formed into some sort of royal artifact. The shots are so close, never zooming out and showing us a bigger picture of what has been built. The Crown follows this format – giving insider looks into the intimate lives of the Royals, never quite zooming out far enough to get the bigger picture – the picture we probably already know. Or the picture we can at least Google.

The Crown season one has spanned from flashbacks of the 1930’s to its present 1955. It begins on Elizabeth’s 1947 wedding day to Phillip and shows their marriage, her father’s death, and the subsequent beginning of her reign. The show follows her first few years as a clueless Queen, not quite knowing what she doesn’t know as she balances politics with parliament and simultaneous family decisions. Claire Foy is excellent at refraining from personality. I mean, I thought the queen was dull, but damn. This just certifies it. There are actual conversations on the show about how personality-less Elizabeth is. Her sister Margaret tends to outshine her, proving herself troublesome. Their accents are pure comedy in their poshy superior tone and inflects. I am told this is really how they talked. Which kind of makes me sick. The one comment my husband kept making as he overheard the show was how absurd their accents are. I mean, uhbsaid theee ahhksents ahh. It’s distractingly over the top. Elizabeth was written in the most inoffensive way possible. It’s almost frustrating. You want her to be bad, and she won’t be. You want her to be so so good, and she isn’t. If you looked up the Webstehh Dictionahhehh definition of boring-and-middle-of-the-ground-neutral, you’d see Claire Foy’s expressionless Queen Elizabeth face, garbed out in excess of brocade and white fur, with a crown so icy you’d get chills.

The show keeps the plots just-so enticing, insidious but never quite reaching scandal. The story is refrained. Just when you are expecting a drippingly dramatic scene, it takes the quintessential British turn – restraint and the shoving away of feelings. I feel this is a result of the actual tone the monarchy always takes. (Nothing to see here! Move along, move along.) The air of drama is carried by Hollywood-worthy big-budget visual grandeur and sophistication. Moments and shots reflect the seriousness of the crown in overly cinematic moves. There are shots that gave me goose bumps in their impressive display of imagery in a way that demands one’s emotion. The director brings the drama in this show, not the writer. There’s a slo-mo scene with pretty confetti falling from the sky, Her Majesty politely waving from a car to a roaring loving crowd, the music building, the tension peaking, and I’m like, ok, the shoe’s gotta drop. WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN???? Is she gonna get rushed?? Is Phillip going to demand a divorce?? …..You know what happened? She ends up getting a shot injected in her face from a spasmed over-stressed smile muscle. HAHAHAHA #RoyaltyProbs amirite??? See what I’m saying, here? A standout moment is when her grandmother approaches the Elizabeth-in-mourning from The King’s passing for the first time since inheriting the crown, and her own grandmother curtsies to her, cementing the importance of her new role. One of my favorite moments of the show. Emotion is built from the crew, not necessarily the cast or writers.

Allegedly this is supposedly Netflix’s most expensive TV show to date. And I believe it. I actually think they could have filmed in Buckingham, that’s how luxurious the show looks. Sweeping hallways as wide as a townhouse, classic gilded artwork from floor to ceiling. Personally I hate the fifties, and this show makes it look so glamorous. With their clunky phones hosting forbidden phone calls, cigarettes casually smoked in down-laden beds, silken bespoke Diorish silhouettes, and hair and makeup with the precision of…well….royalty, honestly, the era is inviting and drool-worthy. And makes me yearn for the return of proper evening gloves. (de la Renta, Carolina, I SEE YOU.)

Matt Smith shines as Prince Phillip, his character offering most of the personality, mischievousness, and cheeky side to the seriousness of the throne. He does so well since he has a fun character to play. Same as John Lithgow, who plays a wonderful Winston Churchill. While the character is over the top, Lithgow embodies him so well it’s astounding. One problem I’ve found is the debate to sit through the show or Google what happened. A funny problem to have – wondering if you want the show to cinematically reveal their interpretation of history to you or to spoil it and ask your mom if Princess Margaret really was carrying-on with the married staff member– GASP! Unclutch those pearls, dahhhhling. It’s not quite a spoiler.

The Crown is a Netflix original. Grab a cuppa and sit frew it, dehh. It’s well wuhff it.