Interstellar

I do not cry during films. Well, I do now. Post kids. But there was a time when I did not!! Then I had babies, and the hormones allegedly alter your body for life and blah blah blah that stuff doesn’t matter. What matters is the fact that I can bring myself to tears now merely thinking about a Budweiser Clydesdale commercial. IT’S BAD YOU GUYS. There are only a few films that have made me cry, the first of which was Big Fish. I grew up very close to my dad, so that one is a given. The second is Steel Magnolias. We love Sally Field, there is no doubt. We really really do. The next and final film that comes to mind is Interstellar. If you have children, you will sob like a toddler having a ladybug nightmare. If you don’t have children, I’d be surprised if Matthew McConaughey’s performance didn’t well those stone cold eyes up. This film packs a lot into it, and I’m gonna go ahead and suggest the major theme has something to do with family. 

Interstellar has a near perfect story with a curious pace and possibly the best CGI crafted space imagery ever. As the biggest proponent of space movies, I love love love love loved this film. It has everything I want in a space movie – time warping, science beyond my understanding, catastrophe, other worlds, a futuristic setting, heartache, mystery, space travel, and emotionless faces delivering a deadpan string of pseudo science verbs and nouns. SWOON! Taking place in the near distant future, a hidden NASA agenda is trying to find a new world to inhabit by way of wormhole as another mankind-induced dust bowl era envelopes Earth. Time poses an obvious problem, as does humanism, and math. (I dunno about you but math has always posed a problem in my life.) The film almost has a series of vignettes, creating a mini story each step of the journey. Former pilot McConaughey stumbles upon an old professor working at NASA, and is immediately jutted off to space to save humankind while leaving behind his two young children. He and his three-person team (HAHA OK.) visit various planets on a rescue mission via wormhole. I’m not going to give away how it ends, but several stops are made on their way back home. DO THEY MAKE IT BACK HOME??? ONLY THE MOVIE CAN TELL. Because of this information and theology packed environment, the film can be a little too “clever for its own good” (– my dad.) Major time warping leads McConaughey to one of the richest moments of his acting career – viewing twenty years worth of family video messages at once. Have you ever had to hide your tears in a movie theater from your brother in law?? Cuz I have. And it’s hard. Then I saw the film a second time and tried even harder to hide my tears from my husband. (Apparently I was successful, in case you were wondering. #TALENT.) I struggle to think of a film that handles such an enormous mankind problem while simultaneously serving such heartaching and emotional personal trauma. 

As a Christopher Nolan written and directed film, Interstellar delivers. It delivers sooooooooooo good ya’all. This is one of my favorite films in the past ten years. Possibly number one. The score is BEYOND. Hans Zimmer was initially given a one-page fable to design the score around, and developed it perfectly. (ZIMMER FO LYFE.) What would a space opera be without some majestic organ chords?? I would not have sobbed during the blastoff scene if it weren’t for the poignant emotional escalation of the score. (Spotify – Hans Zimmer – ‘Stay’) The film begins with the familiar curiosity of an arpeggio with delicate, sweet, heart wrenching melodies and ends with comically intimidating clock-striking chords – almost all in minor scales – the ‘sound of desperation’, as I call it. As someone brought to tears by most opera music, revisiting the score easily wells me up. It’s just. So. Cinematic. 

The story does leave some mystery to its science, but it still manages to wrap it all up in a classic little Hollywood bow. There seemed to be a split between the understandings of the science. Some felt the wormhole relativity explanations a little too obvious, and some felt perplexed by it all. I felt it was Goldilocks-planet just right. Personally I would have preferred a more Twilight Zone ending, chopping it off inexplicably at the tesseract scene. But this is also a juggle of art and business. 

“IN A WHIIIIIIIIRRRRLLLLED” where the summer blockbuster is king, movie watchers are left with two choices – a boring $200 million safe bet, or an intriguing yet poorly shot low-budge indie. If you were to make a graph with creative originality as the X-axis and commercial success as the Y, Christopher Nolan would crown the top. He has managed to prove himself unique in his storytelling skills and highly profitable at the same time. Nolan effortlessly balances ingenuity and dat DOLLA. Since he’s proven himself as a moneymaker, Hollywood has taken more ‘risks’ with him. Nolan took the overdone story of Batman and made a billion dollars. No seriously. The Dark Knight made over a billion dollars. Some have called it the best comic book film of all time. Mk, I’d buy that for a dollar. 

Go watch Interstellar.

Stranger Things

After hearing a certain amount of hype about this show, we decided to check it out. We watched a couple of episodes over a couple of days, then let it lie for a bit. (This gave me an interesting view of “watching a show over time versus the typical binge-sesh”, but that is another blog entry for another day.) Once the creepy-feeling-nervous-nights level intrigue was met, I knew I had to continue in the series. I had too many questions. 

I believe mystery is one of the most sure fire ways to make a show compelling, and this show is built on it. Designed directly from a 1980’s sci-fi mystery novel, (something I admittedly know NOTHING about,) the show strikes every nostalgic and synthesizer chord. Like Netflix does, (IN NETFLIX I PRAY,) the show deftly combines the warm realistic style of the 80’s, science fiction to get even the most jaded viewer enthralled, writing most shows can only dream of achieving, shockingly good acting, and a transcendent, genius level of scoring. Seriously though, I cannot give enough praise to the music on this show. It is next-level good. It is stuff I crave to hear on a daily basis. (Which I actually have been since – it’s from half of the foursome S U R V I V E) It is an excellent example of what perfectly tuned-in directing can do for a show. It’s one of those shows I feel like my words cannot do it justice. To really understand what superb direction can do for a story, you just have to watch it. 

Through the first half of the season I was a bit skeptical, fearing the show was mostly hype. I began to convince myself that the direction is what makes the show (it does, to a degree.) But once I ended the series, I knew there were some truly brilliant show-runners at the helm. As we were watching it I asked myself how the show would be with less talented direction, and it simply would not hold up. The story would feel tired and cheesy. The acting wouldn’t be as emphasized with any other score. The cinematography is keen, simple, yet familiar while beautiful and recognizable. There’s something wistful about the sans sidewalk bicycle laden streets in these leafy neighborhoods plucked from evocative Anytown USA. (I feel like that was the most overly wordy pretentious thing I’ve ever written. But I like it???) 

The story is about small town Indiana preteens whose friend goes missing, then stumble upon a girl with superhuman powers. A monster is involved, (I don’t believe that’s a spoiler,) some government-level scientists are involved, (as they are,) and some bafflingly good adolescent acting is quite involved too. Winona Ryder gives some of the best acting of her life as the missing boy’s mother. I don’t want to give spoilers, but there are some moments where DAMN she is good. (I’m a mom, and, being a mom makes you overly emotional at mom parts in stuff. DON’T JUDGE. It comes with the gig, and it hurts.) The plot arch moves perfectly, the pacing is perfection. This is not a show like Lost, you will get your major questions answered. In fact, maybe a little too much. After seeing a Buzzfeed listicle begging for 368 questions to be answered once the season ended, I set myself up to be disappointed in what gets resolved. Once we finished the show however, I found it to be almost too conclusive. 99% of the story gets wrapped up in a neat little American Storytelling sized bow. The show does have its questionable moments. There are a couple characters that are too cheesy and throwaway, there are actions made by people that don’t seem realistic. But the show makes it crystal-Pepsi-clear you are watching a modern exalted offering of the sacred yet oft-recreated 80’s horror, sci-fi, and thriller genres. (Crystal Pepsi was ’92-’93, I KNOW. I couldn’t resist the pun.) There are almost too many direct nods to the classics, including Alien, E.T., an actual Stephen King novel being read, (-thanks for the note, June!) Stand By Me, The Goonies, and imagery shockingly similar to another recent sci-fi film I’ve seen, (Under the Skin,) leading me to conclude both shots are referencing a third film I’ve never seen. 

The show follows a clear book format, using chapter headings and advertising art akin to an 80’s science fiction thriller. The title card looks like it leapt off a book cover and got processed through a 1984 Apple CGI system akin to the software that created Tron. Which leads me to my next, exhaustive, digressive point…

The moment season one of Stranger Things ended, my husband and I got into a 1am ninety minute civilized yet shouty discussion of the future of the show, where we hoped it would go, and where we believed it would go. Tommy said he was happy with where the season ends, cannot wait to see season two, and trusts the storytellers. He speculates we are seeing merely a swatch of the story, knowing that the creators (The Duffer Brothers) have a much bigger and extensive story set in place to be portrayed over various meticulously crafted seasons. (Correct me if I’m wrong, Thomas.) I, on the other hand, felt so shockingly satisfied by the way the season ended, that I lamented and wished the next season would be a new “book in the series”, so to speak. Why keep on a story that feels so conclusive? Sure, this may only be a peek into the overall story, but I’m so happy with what I’ve seen! I don’t want to see more of these people in this place with this situation! I was distinctly shown this story is a book, wouldn’t the end of the season be the end of the book? Can’t we have another book in the series of Stranger Things, about some other, absurd and intriguing stranger things?? (SPOILER:) Yesterday I saw a headline saying “Stranger Things Creators Have Heard Us, and They’re Promising Justice for Barb.” This is exactly my problem with the world right now. We no longer have trust in the showrunners, but feel like petitions need to be signed and cyber feet stamped to get the stories we are entitled to. Why does Barb need justice?? Why can’t we accept her ending as it was shown, maybe even leaving some theoretical residual action up to our own imaginations? (I know the irony in these two juxtaposing thoughts. To quote a ruthless beloved TV character, “I’m a woman. I can be as contrary as I’d like.” Hrmmph.)

Since I’ve been thinking about this, I’ve seen a few op-eds that agree with me. Stranger Things ended on SUCH a satisfying note, some of us want the show as an Anthology series instead of an overwrought wrung-dry slave to the money making Netflix machine. I mean, I’m just speaking for myself here. Still tho. ICYMI – the show has surpassed Daredevil and Making A Murderer in the most popular Netflix series. 8.2 million viewers in the first 16 days of airing. I MEEEAAANNN…….c’mon. 

Here was my conclusion. Thomas has a very optimistic point of view with how the story will progress. (I don’t think it’ll be bad, season two, no.) I am pessimistic though. Why tamper with a good thing? Why not let it lie? Oh, I know. Because I want TV to be Film. And right now film wants to be TV. The quality of film right now is lacking, and TV is picking up the slack. Major film actors and actresses have jumped a sinking showbiz ship and swam to the idiot box shore. TV is king right now. Where Hollywood won’t take the risk, Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon do. And these risks are paying off. I’m not going to delve too far into it now, but we can probably all agree that film is in the shitter while TV thrives. Because of this, I’m craving for my film format fix in a TV setting. I want stories to be conclusive, whole, vignette-y, and satisfying. I want season one of Stranger Things to be its own little story, like a film. Meanwhile, quite absurdly, Hollywood is attempting to emulate television in its episodic format. How many sequels to a snoozey blockbuster do the people have to endure? Did there REALLY need to be a Now You See Me 2? Fast and Furious 39? Or seventy hundred million comic book movies?? Or every Pixar film now getting a sequel or prequel?!? (YOU’RE BETTER THAN THAT, PIXAR. GO TO YOUR ROOM.) It’s absurd, right?? Well, all I can say is, I blame Hollywood for giving me a deserved complex as to what my expectations of the mediums are. And honestly that’s all I have to say about that.

The Real Crazy Housewives of Everywhere - A Love Letter

This entry is dedicated to Mallory Bateman. She knows why. 

“In five sentences or less, why do you watch Real Housewives?” 

“Oh lord, why do I watch them. Ummm….I will get back to you a little later, after I figure out how to rationalize it. Hahaha” 

The guiltiest of guilties. This cotton candy-lite sugary sweet show gives me the same dopamine fill I could get eating a chocolate cake (yes the whole cake.) Why waste moments on the lips and years on the hips when I can indulge in savory, intense, drama filled action and hurt feelings to no detriment of my own psyche or physique?? I actually had to have a serious conversation with my husband about laying off the guilt tripping with my obsession over this show, cuz my bitches ain’t goin nowhere. These women may be married to their husbands for money, but I am married to them for life. 

"She's not like us. She's young. She's still hopeful and kind."

"Well, ok, we're gonna ruin that."

-Housewives of New York

This show has resulted in limitless hours of TV bingeing, a comical amount of internet rage, unquantifiable judgment, 2 faux pop stars, 634,937 gallons of wine consumption, 132 glass-shattering screaming matches, 146 gallons of tears, numerous spinoffs, one Lady Gaga video, several bankruptcies, literally innumerable divorces, one super model, two prison sentences, one suicide (yes), and infinite eye rolls from baffled husbands across the world. 

As Andy Cohen laughs his way to the bank. 

How has this franchise become so successful?? Why? How has a TV show about bored, “empowered”, overly made-up vain women with money and bones to pick become so enormous? Oh wait, I think I just answered my own question. Personally I watch for the Alaia dresses, Chloe bags, and sky-high heels. These ladies have closets bigger than my first apartment. They could pay off my student loans merely with their shoe collections. I constantly find myself asking where the women go to make sure their makeup regime is up to date and flattering – picture perfect modern rich-lady lewks. Like seriously though, where do you go??? It’s not like I’ll find Erika Girardi at the Bobbi Brown counter at Nordstrom. Or even Saks! Do you sift through elite makeup artists till you find the right look? (If anyone knows what LVP’s fuchsia nail polish is, DM ME.) SPILL IT LADIES. The other day I was lost in one of their repetitive, neurotic arguments just hypnotized by how damn PERFECT Kim Richards’ hair looked. (“You Richards sisters have good hair genes.” – she ain’t wrong.) 

As a self-hating female (with decidedly NOT good hair genes), I truly truly truly hate drama when it happens in my own life. I feel too delicate, neutral, people pleasing, un-petty, and non confrontational to deal with the emotional weight it brings me. Since I’ve been watching the show I’ve been mulling around the idea of why I still watch it. The extravagance and wealth can only keep a viewer so long – why do I find myself more invested in the drama than I thought I would be?? Just like people indulge themselves in personal vices, I think there is something to be said about viewing someone else’s drama. Especially people we can disconnect to as we do with celebrities and tabloids. We don’t know them, so their lives feel open for judgment and critique at the expense of our own entertainment. Instead of dealing with the suffering I might feel going through the fights they go through, I can sit comfortably on my crumb festered couch and ask “what would *IIIIII* do if I were Kim Zolciak when Sheree just tried to pull my wig off??” (Sheree claims she just ‘tugged’ on it, to be fair.) Being able to criticize how these women respond and react to situations is what brings the actual entertainment to the show. A viewer can excitedly assess how they think they’d respond when they’re the only cast member excluded from a trip to the Berkshires. I can’t help but ask…..is this a new, tortured, psychological sense of entertainment? Since the brink of reality TV, our world has become obsessed. Some of you are too good for reality TV, but I am fascinated with the psychology behind it. Why am I giddy at the question of To Confront or Not Confront at these petty, overwrought arguments that somehow propel an entire season of bitchiness, brawn, Botox, and beauty?? 

In case you are new to planet earth, women are extremely complicated, nuanced creatures. Men don’t know women like women know women. A crux of the show is ladies being decidedly offended when one is “sorry you were offended”, when in reality we all know what that bitch’s intent was, don’t we?!? How can she pretend she was jesting about my “Herman Munster” Louis Vuitton shoes?? SHE WAS MAKING A DIG AND I KNOW IT. (Try and keep up.) This is the classic “housewife apology” – being sorry for your hurt feelings, not for what I said. Cuz you interpreted it wrongly. These women are ruthless. They know what they’re doing, they know the scrutiny they are opening themselves up to. They are SMART. Lisa Vanderpump’s favored dog has his own contract renewed each year for the show. He must appear in a certain allotment of time in the show. WUT?!? They are very aware of what they signed up for. Former ABC producer and actual princess Carole Radziwill says she was drawn to being cast on the show since she is naturally drawn to spectacle. That’s exactly what the show is. It survives on the sole premise of being offended, addressing issues at the wrong place and wrong time, exposing people’s flaws, humanism, extremism, bitchism, and the ancient yet time-tested act of “TALK(ing) BEHIND MY F**KING BACK!!!” (– Ramona Singer) 

We watch for many reasons. Some watch to revel in how others live, some watch to make their own problems feel minute, some watch to get inspired by what heel width I should be wearing right now (– asking for a friend.) THE POINT IS, my husband was slightly disturbed when I noted that his revolt for the show is actually disgust at the female mentality. What he sees on screen is what goes on in my head, which is what I hate about myself. I hate that I over analyze what she said, how she said it, and what she ACTUALLY meant when she said it, that narcissistic elitist. He’s quick to point out this is not Reality, no, these women would not be meeting at Nobu to discuss the nuance of an argument over what syllable exactly was emphasized when she said “Who gon’ check me boo??” (- Sheree Whitfield) And it’s true – this is not reality. It’s pomp and circumstance with the feminist subconscious sifted to the surface for my own gluttonous, wheel-of-brie eating pleasure. And I’ll take it gladly, if it means avoiding those pains in real REAL life. 

At the end of the day, this show is a frothy, fun-filled celebration of all that is girly. (“GIIIIIRRRLLLLS TRIIIIIP!!!!”) The players on the show aren’t ones to scoff at. They are not what makes the franchise an astonishing display of egos and money and wealth and offense. No. What makes the whole thing sad is the fact that I recalled all the quotes in this blog entry from memory. And that’s what the problem with this franchise is – it’s not the cast who propels this over indulgent self-absorption and vanity. It’s the viewer. And if being the viewer of this sardonic display is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

And Now For a Commercial Break

I’m about to expose an embarrassing level of couch potato right here. When you start to REALLY notice common themes and tropes in TV ads, you realize just how much TV you actually consume. And it’s disgusting. For me, at least. I’m embracing it though. Cuz that’s what we do these days, embrace our flaws. HAHA realityTVamirite?? 

First and explicitly foremost, can we please stop using ukulele’s with someone singing a repeated vowel or two as decidedly unoffensive background music? I haven’t jotted down actual numbers yet, but I encourage you to make a mental note anytime you see or hear any kind of commercial (TV or radio) that uses this tired trope. It’s become so overused it’s expected. I’m thinking 7/10 ads do this. (Also hand claps and “HEY!”s) Who are these product marketers saying to the production companies “you know, like a peaceful ukulele strumming with some “ooo”s overtop. You know. You definitely know what I’m saying Greg, you definitely made that one Prius ad, I’m seeing it everywhere and LOVING. IT. Do that. It is SO our market. They love that shit Greg, and I do too. HAHA Greg."

Representation has become a huge trend in advertising right now, and I’m totally on board with that. What’s funny to me is the people who choose to be offended by it. Cheerios aired a commercial with a biracial family, and the comments on the Youtube link of it were so harsh that General Mills had the comments disabled. Hahahaha wut???? Who are these people? WHY are these people?! hashtagTrumpVoters. I’ve recently seen a TJ Maxx ad that uses a down syndrome girl in it. Which is wonderful. Sometimes these moves can feel a little too in-your-face-and-heavy-handed to me, but I think my opinion has changed with time, as representation has. THIS IS A GOOD THING, PEOPLE. When I say heavy handed, the Ikea commercial with the lesbian couple having a takeout dinner for their anniversary comes to mind. It will never not feel heavy handed to me, and I’m not quite sure why. Maybe the camera lingers two seconds too long?? I dunno. There are a few household cleaner type ads that use dad as the caretaker instead of mom, clearly an attempt at pleasing feminists, ya? (Side note – I have never seen a mom in a commercial who WASN’T wearing a button up shirt. This irritates me, as I think pajamas are a more accurate depiction of the SAHM. The anti-depressant ads have much more realistic attire for the homemaker mom. Haha I CAN SAY IT. YOU CAN’T SAY IT.) Another example is the no question plus-sized women used in commercials – same TJ Maxx ad I’m thinking of. See, I don’t think men really understand representation the way women do, or marketing towards women in general. As an American Woman, I struggle in a way that no man ever has about my looks in general or what is expected of me visually. When my husband casually mentions Amy Schumer being fat, it really pisses me off. She’s not fucking fat, she’s like, totally normal. UGH. Anyway. This is veering off subject, but ladies, I KNOW YOU FEEL ME. 

I sincerely applaud University of Phoenix for having a woman breastfeeding (BARE-BOOB-ED, even!!) her baby at a diner while she eats and studies in their latest advertising campaign. Normalize breastfeeding, is all I have to say about that. 

According to a source, advertising for specific medications was once illegal. The fact that it is now legal baffles me. My well-traveled brother-in-law once told me that Syrians don’t understand why we Americans are “so sick all the time”. They cited the abundant airing of medicinal ads as a clear sign of our illness. As someone who has drunken the Kool-Aid and seen the documentaries American Addict, The Business of Being Born, and Orgasm, Inc, this enrages me. (I’m also a huge proponent of out of hospital birthing, DM ME IF INTERESTED.) There is certainly a trend of natural over unnatural nowadays (magic oil ladies, I’m looking atchu) when it comes to medicine. Did you know that Humira has two separate advertisements that cater to two separate problems to treat? No, you didn’t, cuz you’re not a lazy fatass who watches WAAAAAAY too much TV like I do, but now you know. This drug is advertised for both rheumatoid arthritis and psoriasis!! When Googled, there are at least three other things this drug treats. That is insane. And what about the “symptoms include” blurbs in the ads?? They go on forever, and get more and more absurd. “Do not look at puppies while wearing the color red or eat tangerines from the northern California area while on this drug.” “ASK YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT BLAHBLEBLAH TODAY.” I had a dear friend in high school who was in a band called Symptoms Include Death, and that always amused me. My point is – go watch American Addict. And if you want to really learn how fucked up the FDA is, watch Orgasm, Inc too. They WERE on Netflix, and now are not, and I’m gonna go ahead and say big pharma is to blame for their removals…..humph. 

What I’m REALLY saying here is, I bet you don’t watch as much as TV as I do. And if you are a stay at home mom with a pension for laziness, maybe you do. Try me. Then let’s get together and become friends, cuz I am in need for a real life, as if you couldn’t already tell. HAHAHA RIGHT??? Oyyy.

Now Back To Our Show.....

The Office – more pointedly, When It Jumped The Shark

In case you’ve been living under a rock in the bottom of a Yamal crater for the past eleven years, The Office was a successful NBC show about the workings of a paper company’s local office in Scranton, PA with a cast of misfits stealing our hearts using genuine realness, charm, and an astonishing sense of nuanced reactions and comedic timing. Steve Carell takes the lead in this mockumentary-styled comedy based off the British show of the same name (with a perfectly mastered David Brent from the mind of Ricky Gervais. Seriously, if you haven’t seen it, check out the original right meow. It’s on Netflix.) The show had an immaculately crafted group of caricatures that gave each masterly line the delivery it deserved. There was the screwball boss who everyone had to indulge, (think parents acting amused by their kid doing a shitty summersault,) the ‘straight’ couple playing will-they-won’t-they, the absurdist coworker who is a mix of a 19^th century beet farmer and a modern 12 year old boy, his severe hypocritical Christian girlfriend, and a few more half-Normz to remind us this takes place in Anytown USA. 

The show is great; it’s one of my top 3 favorites of all time (seasons 1-5 tho….Seinfeld and Arrested Development are the other two..) But it started to veer off track…..showing signs during season 5-6 (of an overwelcomed 9) when Jim and Pam get engaged, Pam leaves the office to try college in NY, (I get it, the character needed her creative justice. But the show felt the burn because of it.) And Jim and Michael go through a painful attempt at co-managing the office in an expected and rightfully owed endeavor to Jim and his effort to climb the corporate ladder. The premiere of season 6 has Michael furiously trying to gain popularity by spreading absurd rumors about his coworkers, forcing Jim and Pam to admit she’s pregnant to alleviate the pain of Stanley’s true rumor, that he’s cheating on his wife. (Oy.) One of the most cringe-worthy episodes is when the office crew plays out a murder mystery scenario, it’s so campy it hurts. There’s another terrible episode where Michael is forced to payout on an asinine promise he made ten years before – to send an entire class of students to college. Are these writers masochists?? This was so unbelievably painful it’s possibly the worst episode in the series. I’d rather not view them all to really find out if that’s true…

The show ultimately chops off its genius head when Jim and Pam get married – more exactly, when the show has its first musical number - the office drones goofily mimicking the viral YouTube video of the wedding party dance number where they’re flailing down the isle that you probably know what I’m talking about but cannot figure how else to describe it but I KNOW you know what I'm talking about. Google it if you don't. "Wedding party dance viral video" maybe?? Or not. Ya know. It's painful. (It is my moral obligation to mention this episode’s writing received an Emmy nom….UGH.) 

Other signs of vitals failing – the show’s star left at the end of season 6 when his contract ended, an injection of an awkward and obvious attempt at a new ‘straight’-ish couple will-they-won’t-they storyline (with Erin and Andy,) while the paper company goes bankrupt and was literally bought out by a new company like a dying body desperately receiving a new organ. If the buyout was an organ, the roster of new bosses coming through acts as blood bags…… Or something like that. I dunno, I’m not fucking MD I’m just a judgey TV viewer. This includes Kathy Bates, Will Ferrell, James Spader, and Catherine Tate. Honestly it’s just comical to me writing those names in a row like that. What was the show thinking? Why not shoot the horse once its lame leg was established, like Dwight would accurately recommend? OH I KNOW. Cuz I have this theory. 

In the age of Binge Watching and easily accessible online feedback from the idiot masses, TV execs are wide-eyed at the information they can dissect and overanalyze. (Let’s remember a petition allegedly kept Community from getting the initial studio axe. YES I SIGNED IT THANKYOUANDG'DAY.) Season 6 aired in 2009, balls deep in the up and coming shrine of Netflix Streaming (2007) – what could be deciphered as the saturation of Binge Watching. I personally feel that studios no longer call their own shots, and have started to depend too highly on the new type of ratings and psyche of the viewer they can gather with this new medium. Therefore, less integrity is involved in the creativity and overall concepts of shows. These studios now feel the pressure of supply and demand as we guzzle them in several days, DYING for more. Actually, The Office might be the first example of a well-known beloved primetime TV show lasting too long. (Any other nominations??)

Let’s not forget the genius that is Michael Schur. (He’s that guy I’m dying to have dinner with, dead or alive.) He was one of the head writers of The Office, also played Mose Schrute, later co-created Parks and Rec with Greg Daniels (we’ll get to him later), and co-created Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Parks and Rec aired the same year as The Office season 6……. One can surmise his departure of the show was a big catalyst in its decline. After reading through the synopses of the last few seasons, the show ended on an overwrought, overacted, desperate, absurd state. Mindy Kaling was a writer of the show from day one, and I believe she was a big contributor to the show’s downfall. She co-wrote the Jim and Pam marry episode, and certainly has a personal flavor of embracing popular culture to a stylized degree. I cringed watching the “music video” she and Erin (Ellie Kemper) made together in a cheesy attempt at charm. While the use of pop culture was honed and restrained in Michael Scott’s hands during the first few golden seasons of the show, it was exploited and shoved down our throats once Mindy was more-or-less at the helm. Her technique didn’t quite fit the Office format, but it thrives in her current show – The Mindy Project. (I’m actually not a big fan but I gotta give it up, girl can write the hell out of a joke.) There’s a chance that the birth of Glee (also 2009) contributed to the showrunners’ acceptance of an 90% serious full-blown musical number. I can almost see Mindy’s convincing Greg Daniels it was a good idea.

I recall feeling a strong sense of farcical satire through season 6, as though the actors were playing themselves playing their characters. Something wasn’t clicking. It was as though a sense of self-awareness overcame the atmosphere of the once perfect dynamic between characters. New bosses of the office were marched through as often as I shower. (Actually….that’s not true…….. Do you know how hard it is to shower with two toddlers in the house?? Kids = loss of hygiene. TMI. I DIGRESS.) Storylines became tired and predictable. I tuned out around the end of season 6 I believe. I did tune into the last episode of the show for nostalgia’s sake, and boy did the writers know it. Michael Scott makes an appearance at Dwight and Angela’s wedding – which – we knew would happen. How could it not? These writers had people to please, and they were extremely aware of that.

Season 1 clocked in with 5.4 million viewers, the series peaked at season 5 with 9 million viewers, and ended on season 9 with a measly 5.1 million viewers. Ouch. History will ultimately reveal the show as a lesson to creators and viewers alike as an example of what happened at the crux of consumers over consuming, the show attempting to satisfy our gluttonous appetite for watching something six hours in a row…..Don’t pretend you’re above that, you know you’ve binge-watched. We all have. ‘MERICA amirite??