The Kartrashians

I’ve needed to write about TV, and I’m just going to get this one out of the way. I know what you’re thinking, we all know what we all think about them. We hate them, they’re talentless, they are purely attention-seeking. Unless you are one of the few who has learned to see the asinine fame-whore spectacle as fascination of the upper class snobs who must only have Calcutta GOLD marble in their bathrooms (as opposed to plain ‘ole Calcutta), or maybe you just simply love them. That part I don’t quite understand as much, but we are all aware of them, their name, and their inexplicable presence in the media. 

We hate them, we love to hate them, and we really love to tell people how much we hate them every time Buzzfeed posts a Khloe’s Top 10 Lip Color Moments listicle. This family wasn’t the least bit interesting 11 seasons ago, but they have been gradually gaining momentum. What the show used to be was “Hey Look At Us Wish We Were Famous” and has now become “Hey Look At How Absolutely Fucking Insanely Rich And Famous We Are, Bitchez”. Originally the show had nothing interesting to report. Every single plotline was overy produced – being so forcibly injected with stereotypical Family Strife stories to an eye-roll inducing degree. I can’t even describe them as they appear on TV, my brain only reads them as producers sitting around a table – Ryan Seacrest to be exact, convincing the family of this season’s new storylines – “Scott buys a Rolls that Kourtney knows he knows was too expensive, he is forced to return it.” “Kris wants to change her last name back from Jenner to Kardashian – everyone is livid while Kris feigns surprise.” “Kim claims to be prudish, hesitant, and unsure of becoming someone’s girlfriend, sleeps with him anyway.” “No one knows what Scott Disick does to make a living (YA RIGHT) so they investigate to find out he is the president of a luxury car dealership they happened to have filmed in many times before said episode.” My main problem with what they show really used to center around is plots as fake as Kourt’s boobs….Kim’s boobs and nose, Kylie’s lips, butt, waist, and eyes, and….well….you get the idea. 

I keep waiting for the next Wave Of Opinion, to shift from hating them to loving them (see: me and Lady Gaga’s ARTPOP) to probably hating them again in the future. There was a day when I woke up and all of a sudden was interested. Maybe I was just tired of hating them? Wanted to go against the masses? Now the show is pure pomp and circumstance. There was literally a fight between Khloe and Kim’s besties on who was more famous and how, because of the sisters’ fame….I just….I CAN’T YOU GUYS. It’s insane! And the always curious filmmaker inside of me is so fascinated by the spectacle that is the Kardashian Star Persona. (You know the hating just fuels them, right?) It’s also their money, their obliviousness, their looks, their repulsiveness, clothes, fame, money, fame, cluelessness, and unrealistically perfected hair and makeup that keep me invested. You know what it really is, is their ability to become famous for no real reason other than the idea of fame alone. Cuz that’s really the American dream, isn’t it. You know it is. DON’T BE JELLY.